My master answered a similar question before which I read some
years ago, but I just can't find it at the moment.
We should also see dualities as mutually inclusive, and without yin
there is no yang, no yang without yin, they cannot be separated
from each other but are simply relative truths -- they exist in
relation but ultimately is one whole.
False-imagination teaches that
such things as light and shade, long and short, black and white are
different and are to be discriminated; but they are not independent
of each other; they are only different aspects of the same thing,
they are terms of relation and not of reality. Conditions of
existence are not of a mutually exclusive character; in essence
things are not two but one.
Shakyamuni Buddha
> The Lankavatara Sutra
Thusness said,
Yes Earthing82,
Polarity certainly isnt opposites; these extremities are
themselves a single whole. Although the power to abstract has
brought us to the advancement of science today, it also prevent us
from experiencing reality directly, separating the inseparable and
dividing wholeness into opposites. Let us be undefined so that we
can penetrate into the profundity of Tao. 
To speak in Taoist terms, the Pristine Awareness is the great
Unmanifest Infinity. It manifests itself as phenomenon existence
but conceals itself; this is its great reserve. Momentarily it
creates and recreate, this is called the Change. Before yin and
yang, this is called the Original. That Presence that can be felt
but cannot be defined, this is called the Spirit. Movement without
core and center, this is called Emptiness. To see what is as it is,
this is called Wisdom. The Tao in its Self-So, this is called Thus.
Actually you don't have to pair up to be complete. Yin does not
have to pair up with yang, male with female, light with darkness,
and so on. Such separation is ultimately illusory. It is only the
dualistic, egotistic mind that separates them, and therefore sees
incompleteness, and desires to fulfill himself. There is no need
to. As a matter of fact, it is because of the constant seeking that
is causing much mental sufferings. It is the seeking and attachment
to others that is causing our suffering... always seeking to
fulfill a more complete sense of self. This is the core movement of
the ego. The identification/attachment to the dualistic Yin and
Yang view is what causes us to undergo endless samsaric
sufferings.
Monks do not have partners, but they also do not have much
sufferings, they are also happy. You do not necessarily need to
have a partner to be happy. I am not denouncing having a
relationship, but I am telling you not to be attached/addicted to
self-centered feelings and egoic attachments. That is -- go beyond
the obsession and addiction to the feelings and emotions by
dissolving its root cause -- the egoic identification, due to one
identifying with something or someone as one's possessions, or
fulfilling one's false sense of self, and therefore undergoes much
sufferings and pain when that is lost, as well as suffering anxiety
and fear of losing something/someone.
Also one's obsession with someone can be 'expanded'... to become
the unconditional love and compassion encompass everyone, like a
bodhisattva..
Beyond happiness and sadness, good and bad, life and death, there
is peace and bliss that surpasseth understanding.
Addiction And The Search For Wholeness
Why should we become addicted to
another person?
The reason why the romantic love relationship is such an intense
and universally sought-after experience is that it seems to offer
liberation from a deep-seated state of fear, need, lack, and
incompleteness that is part of the human condition in its
unredeemed and unenlightened state. There is a physical as well as
a psychological dimension to this state.
On the physical level, you are obviously not whole, nor will you
ever be: You are either a man or a woman, which is to say, one-half
of the whole. On this level, the longing for wholeness - the return
to oneness - manifests as male-female attraction, man's need for a
woman, woman's need for a man. It is an almost irresistible urge
for union with the opposite energy polarity. The root of this
physical urge is a spiritual one: the longing for an end to
duality, a return to the state of wholeness. Sexual union is the
closest you can get to this state on the physical level. This is
why it is the most deeply satisfying experience the physical realm
can offer. But sexual union is no more than a fleeting glimpse of
wholeness, an instant of bliss. As long as it is unconsciously
sought as a means of salvation, you are seeking the end of duality
on the level of form, where it cannot be found. You are given a
tantalizing glimpse of heaven, but you are not allowed to dwell
there, and find yourself again in a separate body.
On the psychological level, the sense of lack and incompleteness
is, if anything, even greater than on the physical level. As long
as you are identified with the mind, you have an externally derived
sense of self. That is to say, you get your sense of who you are
from things that ultimately have nothing to do with who you are:
your social role, possessions, external appearance, successes and
failures, belief systems, and so on. This false, mind-made self,
the ego, feels vulnerable, insecure, and is always seeking new
things to identify with to give it a feeling that it exists. But
nothing is ever enough to give it lasting fulfillment. Its fear
remains; its sense of lack and neediness remains.
But then that special relationship comes along. It seems to he the
answer to all the ego's problems and to meet all its needs. At
least this is how it appears at first. All the other things that
you derived your sense of self from before, now become relatively
insignificant. You now have a single focal point that replaces them
all, gives meaning to your life, and through which you define your
identity. the person you are "in love" with. You are no longer a
disconnected fragment in an uncaring universe, or so it seems. Your
world now has a center: the loved one. The fact that the center is
outside you and that, therefore, you still have an externally
derived sense of self does not seem to matter at first. What
matters is that the underlying feelings of incom-pleteness, of
fear, lack and unfulfillment so characteristic of the egoic state
are no longer there - or are they? Have they dissolved, or do they
continue to exist underneath the happy surface reality?
If in your relationships you experience both "love" and the
opposite of love - attack, emotional violence, and so on - then it
is likely that you are confusing ego attachment and addictive
clinging with love. You cannot love your partner one moment and
attack him or her the next.
~ The Power of Now, Eckhart Tolle
