The Dalai Lama went on to say that the same Buddhist scripture
that advises against gay and lesbian sex urges the same for
heterosexuals. "Even with your wife, using one's mouth or the other
hole is sexual misconduct. Using one's hand, that is sexual
misconduct." He added, "The Buddha is our Teacher," the historical
reference for all Buddhists.
The next morning in his diplomatic suite in the Fairmount, I asked
him, "If the Buddha is our teacher, where and when did he teach
that homosexual partners are inappropriate, that homosexual
behavior is sexual misconduct?" The Dalai Lama candidly responded,
"I don't know."
During the meeting the Dalai Lama confirmed for us another sexual
proscription according to Buddhist tradition: heterosexuals are
prohibited from having sex more than five consecutive times with a
partner. Jose Cabezon, a gay Buddhist scholar, promptly asked him,
"If the purpose of the proscriptions is to reduce sexual activity,
how does it make sense to allow a man to have sex with his wife up
to five times a night, while saying that it is sexual misconduct
for a man to have sex with another man even once in his
life?"
The Dalai Lama roared with laughter, saying,"You have a point
there!" Earlier he had asked all of us, "Sex is for procreation,
right?" Our collective silence was our response. When I asked,
"Which of the proscribed behaviors regarding partner, organ, or
excessive frequency do you personally consider most important?" he
responded with a thoughtful look, not saying anything.
In preparation for the meeting the Dalai Lama had traced the sexual
misconduct teachings back to the Indian Buddhist scholar
Ashvaghosha, and said they may reflect the moral codes of India at
the time, "which stress moral purity." He was open to the
possibility of Buddhist tradition changing eventually in response
to science, modern social history, and discussion within the
various Buddhist sanghas. He urged all of us to go forth and
advocate our interests, basing our action on Buddhist principles of
"rigorous investigation and non-violence." He noted that he is not
unilaterally empowered to change tradition: "Change can only come
on the collective level," he said.
Religious teachings on sex-make that "wrong sex"-are well known to
be a principal cause of violence and discrimination against sexual
minorities and a primary cause of self-destructive behavior among
them. This is true in the West and it is true in the East. Clearly,
some of the traditional Buddhist teachings are violent to the truth
and lives of Buddhist sexual minorities. It's still questionable
whether the Dalai Lama, whose words carry much weight in the court
of world opinion, really "gets" the impact of Buddhist tradition
labeling the way we make love as "sexual misconduct." My partner of
twenty-one years and I don't appreciate it. And the Buddha didn't
say it at all, according to the evidence.
According to the oldest Buddhist teachings, the Buddha cautioned
against "misconduct of sensual desire." He warned of mental stains
from "drowning in sensual pleasure-harmful and disturbing
intentions and actions arising from wrong perception and the
dualistic fixation on self and other. He did not mention sex,
inappropriate organs and partners. During the June 11 meeting the
Dalai Lama clearly stated that "the goal for all Buddhists is
Nirvana"-complete freedom of mind free of wrong perception,
dualistic fixation, defilements and hindrances. He did not clarify,
however, how sex as an expression of emotional intimacy, or
moderate and respectful recreational sex, or gay tantric sex for
that matter, in any way impedes full awakening, freedom and peace
of heart.
The meeting was warm, serious and much too hurried. The 45 minutes
was a 15 minute extension to the 30 minutes which the Office of
Tibet originally allotted for "this historic meeting." The Dalai
Lama encouraged the seven of us and others to hold conferences on
Buddhism and sexuality and other pressing concerns, including
Tibetan Buddhist full-ordination of women as nuns.
Although the Dalai Lama opposed violence and discrimination based
on sexual orientation, he did not commit himself to helping correct
harmful Buddhist teachings still on the books-including the conduct
codes which can fuel homophobic behavior among Buddhist teachers
and students. Famous for saying, "When science points to or proves
a truth contrary to Buddhist teaching, then Buddhist teaching must
change," he said as we were leaving his suite, "Changing Buddhist
traditions will be much harder than advocating for your human
rights."
So it's up to us to affect change, with lots of help from Buddhist
teachers who are quite awake on the subject of sexual right action,
teachers such as Khandro Rinpoche, Drukchen Rinpoche, the late
Dudjom Rinpoche, Lama Tarchin Rinpoche, Robert Aitken Roshi and
others. We must continue to insist that the tradition change. Three
years ago I asked Khandro Rinpoche, the gifted young Tibetan
teacher, about her views on homosexual behavior and the dharma.
This eldest daughter of Mindroling Rinpoche, and Kagyu and Nyingma
lineage holder, offered the following response as part of her
public teaching in San Francisco on "AIDS: Compassion and Skillful
Means":
"One can grow spiritually by being a monk, through getting married,
through homosexual relations. If you really love another man as a
man, no problem. Within the Buddha's doctrine itself homosexuality
is nothing special, nothing new. Such a thing as realization means
being free from attachment to whomever it may be-a man to a man, a
man to a woman, a woman to a woman, or whomever it may be. Each
person is responsible for his or her own mind, own thoughts,
emotions, understanding, awakening, realization. It's possible for
a homosexual person. It's possible for all sentient beings."
We cannot control tradition and politics. We cannot control
psychological and physical violence born of delusion. But Buddha's
way is not about the "control" of suffering; it's about responding
with open awareness to the whole display of our experience,
including suffering. The Dalai Lama accurately observed that he is
not unilaterally empowered to change Buddhist tradition. But he is
empowered to speak for himself. His speaking to the irrelevant,
false aspects of sexual misconduct teachings will certainly help
the cause.
A Buddhist's responsibility is to insist that Buddhist oppression
of sexual minorities, women and others, including heterosexual
couples, end. The San Francisco-based Buddhist AIDS Project is
formulating "A Respectful Request to the Dalai Lama," in the form
of a petition asking him to speak directly to the irrelevance and
harm of some traditional misconduct codes found in all lineages of
Tibetan Buddhism.
Steve Peskind is coordinator of the Buddhist AIDS Project in San
Francisco. He is the editor of the anthology, Heart Lessons From an
Epidemic: Buddhist Practice and Living with HIV, to be published by
Parallax Press. He can be contacted at [email protected]
"According to Buddhist Tradition", Steve Peskind, Shambhala Sun,
March 1998.
