My Novice Master (known in the Soc as Mag. Nov.) was a wise old
bird. He checked first that I was eating and sleeping properly.
Then he explained how strongly we resist our own efforts to reach
the silent place where "all is done". I was genuinely terrified by
the experience but he was so calm and supportive that I carried on,
into the Fourth Week. The 'echoing' lasted about four days and the
meditations became a real struggle but, with his encouragement, I
persevered. He gave me "ex ops" (outdoor work) in the vegetable
garden and, because the 'echoes' were disturbing my sleep too, gave
me the early morning Mass to prepare and serve: that was important.
It was a very old priest and myself, alone in a small chapel,
taking the celebration slowly and meditatively.
Since then, I have experienced the same thing a few times and it
has always been a pretty scary time but, having gone through it and
come out the other side before, I know now that it is only a stage
on the journey into silence. It is hard to describe exactly what
happens but it has also helped me when working with clients who
"hear voices". Although I knew, all the time, that there were no
actual voices separate from me in that echoing void, it 'sounded'
as if there were.
Have you ever experienced a high fever? When I was small and
running a temperature, I thought I heard shouting and arguing when
there was none. This was similar to that.
In his teaching on Awareness by Breathing meditation, the Buddha
spoke about breathing in and out "releasing the mind". The mind
resists such a release, I think. It seems like death to it. One of
the strongest distractions it can throw at us is distraction
through fear and fear is so often greater when the object is
hidden, lurking, just out of sight.
I would add that I haven't experienced this for quite a few years
now. Other distractions, yes, but the distraction by fear seems to
be a tactic that my mind has given up as a bad job.
__________________
Metta and Bright Blessings,