http://www.thespoof.com/news/spoof.cfm?headline=s3i15388
Britney Spears practicing Buddhism and
non-attachment to hair consults mentor the Dali
Lama
Britney Spears, who has recently been making strides to turn her
life around, admitted today that shaving her head and pubic hair
was part of her Buddhist spiritual training.
"I'm trying to live the life of non-attachment," the weary Spears
said. "I want to become a Buddha."
A Buddha, according to Wilikipedia, in the generic sense, is a
person who discovers the true nature of reality through lifetimes
of spiritual cultivation, investigation of various religious
practices and meditation.
Recently, Spears took a flight on Spread Eagle Airlines to Nepal to
visit her mentor, the Dali Lama. He gave her four thoughts to
meditate on:
1.The first thought was that
everyone, every artist in the world was born to suffer.
2.The second was that everything in the world is subject to
impermanence, even youth, good looks, popularity and hair.
3.The third was that the human personality, "soul", or Self, is a
conventional appellation, or grape arbor where vats of wine are
stirred and each individual soul is squished beneath the feet of
migrant laborers with athletes foot.
4.And the fourth was peace, or Nirvana and assured the
impressionable Spears that Nirvana was not only the name of a West
coast grunge band from Seattle, but also a Buddist mark of
existence.
"These are the four marks of existence," he said, "suffering
(dukkha), impermanence (anicca) and non-Self (anatta) and peace
(Nirvana)."
"I want to fly to Bodhi," said the impetuous Spears. "Then I will
be awakened from this nightmare I call my life."
Bodhi is a little town in Italy where all the food is grown and
produced locally without pesticide and there are no cars to ride
in.
Spears began practicing non-attachment back in November after
filing for divorce from her husband, Kevin Federline. Recently, the
distraught Spears took an American Spread Eagle flight to Nepal to
consult with her mentor the Dali Lama about her life.
"He told me to shave everything, even my career," the beleaguered
Spears said. "He said it was too fast and would end up killing me
and taking me away from my boys. He advised me to just put my money
in a savings account and live off the interest. I think that I'm
going to take his advice."
In other news today, a cameraman broke his ankle today trying to
follow Britney Spears on her path to enlightenment through a rough
passage in the Himalaya Mountains on her way to Nepal.
