As Quoted:
If you really want to honor and help your departed ones, then do
some meritorious deeds in their name and transfer the merits to
them.
According to Buddhism, good deeds or 'acts of merit' bring
happiness to the doer both in this world and in the hereafter. Acts
of merit are also believed to lead towards the final goal of
everlasting happiness. The acts of merit can be performed through
body, speech or mind. Every good deed produces 'merit' which
accumulates to the 'credit' of the doer. Buddhism also teaches that
the acquired merit can be transferred to others' it can be shared
vicariously with others. In other words, the merit is 'reversible'
and so can be shared with other persons. The persons who receive
the merit can be either living or departed ones.
The method for transferring merits is quite simple. First some good
deeds are performed. The doer of the good deeds has merely to wish
that the merit he has gained accrues to someone in particular, or
to 'all beings'. This wish can be purely mental or it can
accompanied by an expression of words.
This wish could be made with the beneficiary being aware of it.
When the beneficiary is aware of the act or wish, then a mutual
'rejoicing in' merit takes place. Here the beneficiary becomes a
participant of the original deed by associating himself with the
deed done. If the beneficiary identifies himself with both the deed
and the doer, he can sometimes acquire even greater merit than the
original doer, either because his elation is greater or because his
appreciation of the value of the deed is based on his understanding
of Dhamma and, hence, more meritorious, Buddhist texts contain
several stories of such instances.
The 'joy of transference of merits' can also take place with or
without the knowledge of the doer of the meritorious act. All that
is necessary is for the beneficiary to feel gladness in his heart
when he becomes aware of the good deed. If he wishes, he can
express his joy by saying 'sadhu' which means 'well done'. What he
is doing is creating a kind of mental or verbal applause. In order
to share the good deed done by another, what is important is that
there must be actual approval of the deed and joy arising in the
beneficiary's heart.
Even if he so desires, the doer of a good deed cannot prevent
another's 'rejoicing in the merit' because he has no power over
another's thoughts. According to the Buddha, in all actions,
thought is what really matters. Transference is primarily an act of
the mind.
To transfer merit does not mean that a person is deprived of the
merit had originally acquired by his good deed. On the contrary,
the very act of 'transference' is a good deed in itself and hence
enhances the merit already earned.
Highest Gift to the Departed
The Buddha says that the greatest gift one can confer on one's dead
ancestors is to perform 'acts of merit' and to transfer these
merits so acquired. He also says that those who give also receive
the fruits of their deeds. The Buddha encouraged those who did good
deeds such as offering alms to holy men, to transfer the merits
which they received to their departed ones. Alms should be given in
the name of the departed by recalling to mind such things as, 'When
he was alive, he gave me this wealth; he did this for me; he was my
relative, my companion, etc. (Tirokuddha Sutta_Khuddakapatha).
There is no use weeping, feeling sorry, lamenting and bewailing;
such attitudes are of no consequence to the departed ones.
Transferring merits to the departed is based on the popular belief
that on a person's death, his 'merits' and 'demerits' are weighed
against one another and his destiny determined, his actions
determined whether he is to be reborn in a sphere of happiness or a
realm of woe. The belief is that the departed one might have gone
to the world of the departed spirits. The beings in these lower
forms of existence cannot generate fresh merits, and have to live
on with the merits which are earned from this world.
Those who did not harm others and who performed many good deeds
during their life time, will certainly have the chance to be reborn
in a happy place. Such persons do not required the help of living
relatives. However, those who have no chance to be reborn in a
happy abode are always waiting to receive merits from their living
relatives to offset their deficiency and to enable them to be born
in a happy abode.
Those who are reborn in an unfortunate spirit form could be
released from their suffering condition through the transferring of
merits to them by friends and relatives who do some meritorious
deeds.
This injunction of the Buddha to transfer merits to departed ones
is the counterpart of the Hindu custom which has come down through
the ages. Various ceremonies are performed so that the spirits of
dead ancestors might live in peace. This custom has been a
tremendous influence on the social life of certain Buddhist
countries. The dead are always remembered when any good deed is
done, and more on occasions connected with their lives, such as
their birth or death anniversaries. On such occasions, there is a
ritual which is generally practised. The transferor pours water
from a jug or other similar vessel into a receptacle, while
repeating a Pali formula which is translated as follows:
As river, when full must flow
and reach and fill the distant main,
So indeed what is given here will
reach and bless the spirits there.
As water poured on mountain top must
soon descend and fill the plain
So indeed what is given here will reach
and bless the spirits there.
(Nidhikanda Sutta in Khuddakapatha)
The origin and the significance of transference of merit is open to
scholarly debate. Although this ancient custom still exists today
in many Buddhists countries, very few Buddhists who follow this
ancient custom have understood the meaning of transference of
merits and the proper way to do that.
Some people are simply wasting time and money on meaningless
ceremonies and performances in memory of departed ones. These
people do not realize that it is impossible to help the departed
ones simply by building big graveyards, tombs, paper-houses and
other paraphernalia Neither is it possible to help the departed by
burning joss-sticks, joss-paper, etc.; nor is it possible to help
the departed by slaughtering animals and offering them along with
other kinds of food. Also one should not waste by burning things
used by the departed ones on the assumption that the deceased
persons would somehow benefit by the act, when such articles can in
fact be distributed among the needy.
The only way to help the departed ones is to do some meritorious
deeds in a religious way in memory of them. The meritorious deeds
include such acts as giving alms to others, building schools,
temples, orphanages, libraries, hospitals, printing religious books
for free distribution and similar charitable deeds.
The followers of the Buddha should act wisely and should not follow
anything blindly. While others pray to god for the departed ones,
Buddhists radiate their loving-kindness directly to them. By doing
meritorious deeds, they can transfer the merits to their beloved
ones for their well-being. This is the best way of remembering and
giving real honor to and perpetuating the names of the departed
ones. In their state of happiness, the departed ones will
reciprocate their blessings on their living relatives. It is,
therefore, the duty of relatives to remember their departed ones by
transferring merits and by radiating loving-kindness directly to
them.