More:
The stick itself is
used by the person, so therefore there is no point in getting angry
at the stick. Similarly, the person's body, speech and mind are
completely used by the anger, by the delusion. The person's body,
speech and mind become like a slave, completely used as a tool of
the anger. The person themself has no freedom at all -- no freedom
at all. So therefore, since the person has no freedom at all, they
should become an object of our compassion. Not only that, one must
take responsibility to pacify that person's anger. By whatever
means you can find, help the person's mind, pacify the anger; even
if there is nothing you can do, pray to Buddha, Dharma and Sangha
to pacify the person's mind.
~ Lama Zopa Rinpoche
The Power To Choose
What about all those people who, it seems, actually want to suffer?
I have a friend whose partner is physically abusive toward her, and
her previous relationship was of a similar kind. Why does she
choose such men, and why is she refusing to get out of that
situation now? Why do so many people actually choose pain?
I know that the word choose is a favorite New Age term, but it
isn't entirely accurate in this context. It is misleading to say
that somebody "chose" a dysfunctional relationship or any other
negative situation in his or her life. Choice implies consciousness
- a high degree of consciousness. Without it, you have no choice.
Choice begins the moment you disidentify from the mind and its
conditioned patterns, the moment you become present. Until you
reach that point, you are unconscious, spiritually speaking. This
means that you are compelled to think, feel, and act in certain
ways according to the conditioning of your mind. That is why Jesus
said: "Forgive them, for they know not what they do." This is not
related to intelligence in the conventional sense of the word. I
have met many highly intelligent and educated people who were also
completely unconscious, which is to say com-pletely identified with
their mind. In fact, if mental development and increased knowledge
are not counterbalanced by a corresponding growth in consciousness,
the potential for unhappiness and disaster is very great.
Your friend is stuck in a relationship with an abusive partner, and
not for the first time. Why? No choice. The mind, conditioned as it
is by the past, always seeks to re-create what it knows and is
familiar with. Even if it is painful, at least it is familiar. The
mind always adheres to the known. The unknown is dangerous because
it has no control over it. That's why the mind dislikes and ignores
the present moment. Present-moment awareness creates a gap not only
in the stream of mind but also in the past-future continuum.
Nothing truly new and creative can come into this world except
through that gap, that clear space of infinite possibility.
So your friend, being identified with her mind, may be re-creating
a pattern learned in the past in which intimacy and abuse are
inseparably linked. Alternatively, she may be acting out a mind
pattern learned in early childhood according to which she is
unworthy and deserves to be punished. It is possible, too, that she
lives a large part of her life through the pain-body, which always
seeks more pain on which to feed. Her partner has his own
unconscious patterns, which complement hers. Of course her
situation is self created, but who or what is the self that is
doing the creating? A
mental-emotional pattern from the past, no more. Why make a self
out of it? If you tell her that she has chosen her condition or
situation, you are reinforcing her state of mind identification.
But is her mind pattern who she is? Is it her self? Is her true
identity derived from the past? Show your friend how to be the
observing presence behind her thoughts and her emotions. Tell her
about the pain-body and how to free herself from it. Teach her the
art of inner-body awareness. Demonstrate to her the meaning of
presence. As soon as she is able to access the power of the Now,
and thereby break through her conditioned past, she will have a
choice.
Nobody chooses dysfunction, conflict, pain. Nobody chooses
insanity. They happen because there is not enough presence in you
to dissolve the past, not enough light to dispel the darkness. You
are not fully here. You have not quite woken up yet. In the
meantime, the conditioned mind is running your life.
Similarly, if you are one of the many people who have an issue with
their parents, if you still harbor resentment about something they
did or did not do, then you still believe that they had a choice -
that they could have acted differently. It always looks as if
people had a choice, but that is an illusion. As long as your mind
with its condi-tioned patterns runs your life, as long as you are
your mind, what choice do you have? None. You are not even there.
The mind-identified state is severely dysfunctional. It is a form
of insanity. Almost everyone is suffering from this illness in
varying degrees. The moment you realize this, there can be no more
resentment. How can you resent someone's illness? The only
appropriate response is compassion.
~ Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now
