www.whatneverchanges.com
Stop Preparing for What Already Is
Bill: Having read you diligently for over six months now, I know
that as part of the John Wheeler school, you suggest we just turn
back and look at our bright, shining awareness. Just what I have
been unable to do. [M---] suggests in his exhaustive website that
we do the Awareness Watching Awareness practice, where we just stay
quiet and watch ourselves watching -- not the objects of thought,
but the watching process itself. Easier said than done.
Now my question to you is, will it help me if I study Vipassana
meditation? My hope is to hone my mind in such a way that it is
receptive to all cues, whether the type you suggest or [M---]
does.
Annette: I won't tell you to study Vipassana meditation, or not to
study it. You're welcome to do or practice whatever you want, but I
have no assignments or homework to give you. I recommend no
practices. When I suggest a looking, it is merely a suggestion of
something to do right now, not a practice to master. This requires
no practice, no mental training, no honing. You can stop preparing
now.
You use language like "I have been unable to do...," and "Easier
said than done." Just look right here, into the assumptions that
are behind these statements. They tell you everything you need to
know. Look at what you assume, as you think and say these words.
You assume that there is a "you" who can do things. You also assume
that there is something that needs to be done, for this "you" to
have more of something - completion, perhaps? Enlightenment? A
better, more satisfying life, as an awakened person?
Is this "you" real? Have you looked for it? You don't need any
preparation or meditation to do this. Reality is simply right here,
right now, and right in front of your eyes. Have you looked for
this person you assume to be real? Have you ever found this
separate person? When I looked for one, all I found was some
passing thoughts that, when strung together, seemed to comprise a
story, which seemed to be "me." But I never found anything other
than that. I never found anything substantial and lasting that I
could call "me."
You can do this for yourself right now. Don't take my word for
it.
Let's stop right here. How many times have you read these very
words, Bill? And have you done as your helpers and teachers have
suggested, right now? Right now? Right now? Not after you have
studied meditation for another ten years, or after you have "put in
your time" practicing awareness watching awareness. Those things
can happen, but what you are looking for is not in them. What you
are looking for is right now. Did you miss it? It's okay, because
there is another opportunity right now, and another right now. This
opportunity is always available to you, but it is always now, never
in the future, and never requires preparation. And this now moment
is always. There is never a time other than right now.
So this is it. This, this awareness you are aware of right now. Can
you find any entity in this who needs anything at all? Is there
anything needed right now, in this perfect clear awareness, at such
peace with itself? Is there anything more you ever need to know, to
learn, to master? Or is this, right here, just it?
Perhaps we have abandoned our old ways of petty, self-centered
thinking and worry and fear, but we still imagine that there is a
job for this tiny being, and that job is to know and deeply
understand the truth of who I am. But this idea is the kiss of
death. This I must know who I am this one small need alone
places you at odds with everything you claim to value and cherish,
and throws you headlong into the terrifying, claustrophobic
loneliness of being on your own. It says, I can do it myself.
There is no terror like this in all the universe, and yet we go
along living with it, voluntarily. Can you really stand another
minute of it? Can you bear to be all alone, naked and fending for
yourself in the wilderness, any longer?
So this is when the search ends: when the idea that you must know
who you are is dropped, because you simply cant stand the pain
anymore, the pain of believing your self to have some power to
know, to understand, to correct, to soothe, to lift yourself out of
all this and into Heaven. You drop that load, because it has simply
become too heavy, and it's too painful to carry it another step.
And you stop doing anything, you stop looking for anything, even
for the truth of who you are. And in that stopping, there is an
admitting that it cant be done by you you cant control this.
You give up.
So stop. Rather than looking for the truth, even the truth of who
you are, just stop, for one moment, and dont look for anything.
Just stop trying, stop moving. Stay put, for once in your life.
Admit that this is all there is. It doesnt get better. There is no
other truth but this. Existence just is, and there is no purpose to
any of it.