http://www.cygnus-books.co.uk/features/full_catastrophe_living.htm
Breaking the
Tyranny of Thought
Jon Kabat-Zinn
When we start paying attention a little more closely to the way our
own mind actually works, as we do when we meditate, we are likely
to find that much of the time our mind is more in the past or the
future than it is in the present.
Only half awake
Consequently in any moment we may be only partially aware of what
is actually occurring in the present. We can miss many of the
moments we have to live because we are not fully here for them.
This is true not just while we are meditating. Unawareness can
dominate the mind in any moment and consequently, it can affect
everything we do. We may find that much of the time we are really
on automatic pilot, functioning mechanically, without being fully
aware of what we are doing or experiencing. It's as if we are not
really at home a lot of the time or, put another way, only half
awake.
You might verify for yourself whether this description applies to
your own mind the next time you are driving a car. It is a very
common experience to drive someplace and have little or no
awareness of what you saw along the way. You may have been on
automatic pilot for much of the drive, not really fully there but
there enough, one would hope, to drive safely and
uneventfully.
Lost in our thoughts
Even if you deliberately try to concentrate on a particular task,
whether it's driving or something else, you might find it difficult
to be in the present for very long. Ordinarily our attention is
easily distracted. The mind tends to wander. It drifts into thought
and reverie.
Our thoughts are so overpowering, particularly in times of crisis
or emotional upheaval, that they easily cloud our awareness of the
present. Even in relatively relaxed moments they can carry our
senses along with them whenever they take off, as when driving we
find ourselves looking intently at something we have passed in the
car long after we should have brought our attention back to the
road in front of us. For that moment we were not actually driving.
The car was on autopilot. The thinking mind was captured by a
sense impression, a sight, a sound, something that attracted its
attention, and was literally pulled away. It was back with the cow
or the tow truck, or whatever it was that caught our attention. As
a consequence, at that moment, and for however long our attention
was captured, we were literally lost in our thoughts and unaware
of other sense impressions.
Is it not true that the same thing happens most of the time,
whatever you are doing? Try observing how easily your own awareness
is carried away from the present moment by your thoughts, no matter
where you find yourself, no matter what the circumstances. Notice
how much of the time during the day you find yourself thinking
about the past or about the future. You may be shocked at the
result.
An experiment
You can experience this pull of the thinking mind for yourself
right now if you perform the following experiment: Close your eyes,
sit so that your back is straight but not stiff, and become aware
of your breathing. Don't try to control your breathing. Just let it
happen and be aware of it, feeling how it feels, witnessing it as
it flows in and out. Try being with your breath in this way for
three minutes.
If, at some point, you think that it is foolish or boring to just
sit here and watch your breath go in and out, note to yourself that
this is just a thought, a judgment that your mind is creating. Then
simply let go of it and bring your attention back to your
breathing. If the feeling is very strong, try the following
additional experiment, which we sometimes suggest to our patients
who feel similarly bored with watching their breathing: Take the
thumb and first finger of either hand, clamp them tightly over your
nose, keep your mouth closed, and notice how long it takes before
your breathing becomes very interesting to you!
When you have completed three minutes of watching your breath go in
and out, reflect on how you felt during this time and how much or
how little your mind wandered away from your breathing. What do you
think would have happened if you had continued for five or ten
minutes, or for half an hour, or an hour?
Mindfulness
For most of us, our minds tend to wander a lot and to jump quite
rapidly from one thing to another. This makes it difficult to keep
our attention focused on our breathing for any length of time
unless we train ourselves to stabilize and calm our own mind. This
little three-minute experiment can give you a taste of what
meditation is. It is the process of observing body and mind
intentionally, of letting your experiences unfold from moment to
moment and accepting them as they are. It does not involve
rejecting your thoughts nor trying to clamp down on them or
suppress them, nor trying to control anything at all other than the
focus and direction of your attention.
Yet it would be incorrect to think of meditation as a passive
process. It takes a good deal of energy and effort to regulate your
attention and to remain genuinely calm and non-reactive. But,
paradoxically, mindfulness does not involve trying to get anywhere
or feel anything special. Rather it involves allowing yourself to
be where you already are, to become more familiar with your own
actual experience moment by moment. So if you didn't feel
particularly relaxed in these three minutes or the thought of doing
it for half an hour is inconceivable to you, you don't need to
worry. The relaxation comes by itself with continued practice. The
point of this three-minute exercise was simply to try to pay
attention to your breathing and to note what actually happened when
you did.
If you start paying attention to where your mind is from moment to
moment throughout the day, chances are you will find that
considerable amounts of your time and energy are expended in
clinging to memories, being absorbed in reverie, and regretting
things that have already happened and are over. And you will
probably find that as much or more energy is expended in
anticipating, planning, worrying and fantasizing about the future
and what you want to happen or don't want to happen.
Because of this inner busyness, which is going on almost all the
time, we are liable either to miss a lot of the texture of our life
experience or to discount its value and meaning. For example, let's
say you are not too preoccupied to look at a sunset and are struck
by the play of light and colour among the clouds and in the sky.
For that moment you are just there with it, taking it in, really
seeing it. Then thinking comes in and perhaps you find yourself
saying something to a companion, either about the sunset and how
beautiful it is or about something else that it reminded you of. In
speaking, you disturb the direct experiencing of that moment. You
have been drawn away from the sun and sky and the light. You have
been captured by your own thought and by your impulse to voice it.
Your comment breaks the silence. Or even if you don't say anything,
the thought or memory that came up had already carried you away
from the real sunset in that moment. So now you are really enjoying
the sunset in your head rather than the sunset that is actually
happening. You may be thinking you are enjoying the sunset itself,
but actually you are only experiencing it through the veil of your
own embellishments with past sunsets and other memories and ideas
that it triggered in you. All this may happen completely below the
level of your conscious awareness. What is more, this entire
episode might last only a moment or so. It will fade rapidly as one
thing leads to the next.