Working with Anger presents a variety of Buddhist methods for
subduing and preventing anger, not by changing what is happening,
but by framing it differently. No matter what our religion,
learning to work with our anger is effective for everyone seeking
personal happiness as well as world peace.
"Working with Anger is a wonderful, wise, and
life-changing book. Written in Ven. Thubten Chodron's
characteristic accessible style, generously laced with examples
drawn from daily life, the book is filled with practical strategies
on how to free ourselves from anger, resentment, and envy. If you
are looking for a practical guide to overcome anger and live with
greater tolerance, love, and forgiveness, I highly recommend this
book."
HOWARD C. CUTLER, M.D., co-author of The Art of Happiness
Q&A
Does being patient with people who harm
us mean being passive? Must we let them get their way or walk all
over us?
No. We can redress a bad situation without antagonism. In fact,
well be more effective in doing so when were calm and
clear-thinking.
Sometimes we may have to speak strongly to someone because that is
the only way to communicate with her. For example, if your child is
playing in the street and you very sweetly say, "Susie dear, please
dont play in the street," she may ignore you. But if you speak
forcefully and explain the danger to her, shell remember and
obey.
As a sports enthusiast, isnt anger good
because it helps you to win the game? Is sports a good way to
release anger?
Yes, sports is a socially accepted way of venting anger. However,
it doesnt cure the anger, it only temporarily releases the
physical energy accompanying anger. We are still avoiding the real
problem, which is our disturbing emotion and misconceptions
regarding a situation.
Yes, anger may help you win the game, but is that really
beneficial? Is it worthwhile to reinforce negative characteristics
just to get a trophy? The danger in sports is making the "us and
them" too concrete. "My team must win. We have to fight and beat
the enemy."
But lets step back for s moment. Why should we win and the other
team lose? The only reason is "My team is best because its mine."
The other team feels the same way. Who is right? Competition based
on such self-centredness isnt productive because it breeds anger
and jealousy.
On the other hand, we can concentrate on the process of playing the
game, not on the goal of winning. In this case, well enjoy the
physical exercise, the camaraderie and team spirit, whether we win
or lose. Psychologically, this attitude brings more
happiness.
How do we deal with anger when we
witness a person harming another?
All the techniques described above are applicable here. However,
being patient doesnt mean being passive. We may have to actively
stop one person from harming another, but the key is to do this
with impartial compassion for everyone in the situation.
Its easy to have compassion for the victim. But compassion for the
perpetrator is equally important. This person is creating the cause
for his own suffering: he may be tortured by guilt later, he may
encounter trouble with the law, and he will reap the karmic fruits
of his own actions. Recognising the suffering he brings on himself,
we can develop compassion for him. Thus, with equal concern for the
victim and the perpetrator, we can act to prevent one person from
harming another.
We neednt be angry in order to correct a wrong. Actions done out
of anger may complicate the situation even more! With a clear mind,
well be able to determine more easily what we can do to
help.
