23rd June '06
No Need To Judge
It took me so long to realise, having
been a Buddhist for five years, the reality of the teaching
selflessness (non-self). I'm not saying that I understand it all as
yet, but I'm beginning to see its practical implications.
It used to be habitual for me to mentally label people as they pass
in and out, and by my life-"A must be type 1 personality... hmmm,
not very good at all!" "B must be type 2... ok, not bad." All this
happens naturally to the untrained, wandering and judgmental
mind.
But recently, a few of my close friends kind of underwent "drastic"
changes. People whom I thought I have known all my life like the
back of my hand suddenly seemed quite incomprehensible. One became
vegetarian overnight without "warning" simply because he saw a fish
splutter to death at a seafood restaurant. This guy was a "staunch"
meat-eater all along! The mere thought of the positive reasons for
being vegetarian was pure mumbo-jumbo to him. And another friend
broke up, with who she and I have all along thought has got to be
her perfect partner...
It seemed kind of scary that people can change "just like that." It
kind of jolted me to my senses-I don't really know anyone at all! I
can't ever really! (But I believe there is the unchanging Buddha
Nature beneath this all.) Even I myself am a fickle person under
the guise of a "fixed" personality.
Upon second thought, it hit me that this realisation can be
incredibly liberating. I don't have to label and judge people so
much anymore. It can hardly be accurate afterall. I suddenly became
much more open and forgiving. There is no fixed personality in any
one of us. We change constantly. It is often due to not
understanding this great truth that we are caught in a conflict.
Well, people change. Promises made, even during the most solemn
marriage can't always stand till death does a couple apart.
Realising this makes relationships generous and alive. No one is
"supposed" to be as according to your verdict of his character
yesterday. We are all literally reborn with every changing thought.
No one self at all persists throughout.
Realising that the law of change applies to all is liberating
indeed. Suddenly, I have given the whole wide world and myself
infinite chance to evolve and transform beyond the constraints of
my small conceptual judging mind. No need to be disappointed by
anyone or attached to anyone. You just can't really define anyone
or anything for good in anyway. What freedom!