How to deal with difficult people at work, home and outside?

marcteng SG

There are all kinds of people out there, some are good people, some are kind people, some are nice people, and some are outright rude people and bad people. The list goes on and on.

Nice and good people are pleasant to live, work and interact with, and rude and bad people are indeed unpleasant to live, work and interact with.

How do one deals and react with bad and difficult people, whether at work, at home or outside?

paperflower SG

dealing with difficult people, actually either difficult or easy people, don't have to always agree with them in everything they say. most importantly one ought to think swiftly and clear mindedly base on things that are logical make sense that would "slap" them into their senses to wake them up. it can be tricky and hard to do but with patience tolerance and wise moves, can be done. in time, difficult people will also show at least some respects for you simply cos you are authentic and genuine.

but of cos those stubborn ones though they know they are wrong still think they are right are just some tough nuts to crack. just let them be, eventually they'll realise they have been being difficult. there's the law of nature no one can escape. neither is it a win win lose lose situations.

just to add on.......
most importantly also, one must not be affected by them or any situations. when calm and disrupted, one can think very clearly swiftly wisely intelligently flexibly to resolve or handle many situations. its one's stable composure and clarity of mind that can see far further than one who is deluded cramped with illusionary mindless thoughts whose results in unjustifiable actions.

Isis SG

This has been the question that i have been asking myself....
which is why i want to renounce.... but this isn't the main reason why i want to renounce.

How to deal with difficult people?

Firstly, accept the fact that difficult people exists and are inevitable

Secondly, recongise that you have the power to choose how you feel about these difficult people.

Thirdly, Difficult people presents Wonderful opportunities for self-cultivation.
For Eg. curbing Anger.. by being mindful of how anger arise and disappear, own thought and reactions when dealing with this people. These people can be Valuable teacher in learning how to manage our anger. =)

Fourthly, Practise compassion. Try to understand their shoes and causes of their behavour. We all err in some phrases of our life. It is important to learn to be more forgiving and don't to take trifle matters seriously.

Lastly, we can learn to develop wisdom i.E EQ in dealing with them.

marcteng SG

Reason why one renounce is to go beyond life and death isn't it.

Yes, you are right to say that difficult people can be our teacher in terms of practising. Return good for evil.

Isis SG

ur definitation of why one renounce is quite chim...

marcteng SG

Chim aka deep?

What is the reason when one chooses to renounce?
Remember the 4 Noble Truths? Life is suffering, there is a way to end suffering.

People chooses to renounce is to strive for deathlessness, ie Nirvana isnt it, the end of suffering.

For Bodhisattvas, they have to strive for perfections isn't it, in order to be perfect for Buddhahood in future, to save sentient beings.

Isis SG

We grow old, we died.. attached to love one { why do we get attached in the first place ? ), self-craving lead to pain and ignorance lead to more suffering..

when there is happiness, there is also unhappiness...Happiness is always so overated.

Then what is the true reality of life? This is why i want to renounce.

marcteng SG

Good that you see the light. There are a lot of people who are still aimless, dunno what is life and dunno how to strive for the end of suffering or existences.

marcteng SG

How do you deal with colleagues that do not like you or cooperate with you at work?

What abt your boss, like shouting at you or pushing the blame on you when things go wrong?

paperflower SG

when you are kind to people, people will be kind back to you eventually. it doesn't matter whether they cooperate or nice or bad back to you. what's needed to be done has to be done, one can accomplish even on his own.

easy said than done? yes it is simple as that.

it doesn't help to pin point who makes the mistake. it is wiser to pick up & throw the litter when you spot it even tho it wasn't you who littered it.

Isis SG

There are many complicated situations in life, we can face in workplace or in school or home ETC. Thus i think it important to learn how to prevent this undesirable Situation by learning how to cope with it...

Afterall, things don't always go your way. What important is @ the end of the day, you are happy and not letting these afflictive emotions get into you; making you a hateful and unhappy person. We all know when you think happy thoughts, you are happy. When you think unhappy thoughts, you are unhappy.

it's obvious having hateful thought makes you a unhappy person... right ?
It's important to start learning how to be mindful then can we learn to curb our anger and prevent bad impulsive behavour .. Learning to have compassion and loving-kindness for others prevent the arising of anger..

Some of you might have though it unrealistic to behave NICE to someone who is being very Nasty to you. Yeap, you don't have to if you don't feel like it.
being too nice to them will encourage more of their nasty behaviour but don't downgrade yourself to their standard. The best thing you can do is learn not to have bad feelings for them and try to be gracious to them as much as you can.

or learn not to get attached to their remarks or behaviour. Learn to see things lightly. For all things are fleeting and impermanent, what the point of holding grudges towards these people? For these people are creating future bad karma ( future sufferings ) for themselves if they continue to behave so to others. We, as buddhist should wish them to repent and have compassion for them instead.

our TRUE enemies are not the people but the afflictions in our Mind which lead to undesirable behaviour etc. The three posions known as greed, hatred and delusions.These are three evil roots primarily source of all evil deeds. These are our true enemies! we should strive to cultivate to unroot them.

marcteng SG

Yes, the biggest enemy is yourself, not others.

Conquering oneself is better than conquering 1000 enemies in a battlefield.

So the biggest enemy is oneself.

May god protect myself from myself lol.

Isis SG

Elaborating on my last paragraph...

For example,

i hate Mr John cos he was cruel to animals.

But what cause Mr john to act cruelty to animals?

The 'afflictive thoughts' in him creating negative actions. The ignorance in him of the sufferings he has created as he cannot place his shoes in the shoes of the suffering animals. The ignorance in him for he does not know that his actions is sowing a seed and will reap in the future. He does not understand how operating system of the universe works.. The law of karma.

When hating your enemy, u associate 'there person' with your feeling of hatred. When hatred is so deep that even by mentioning his name, your blood can boil. It is because of 'attachment' cause ur still-fueling rage. You are get attached to his actions and him which is why u can't get over it.

If you investigate deeper, the cause of his negative actions are caused by the 'three posions' arising also from ignorance. The cause of his actions are not him but the 'three posions'.. the three afflictive Qualities. Our true enemies are not the person but the three posions.. Not ourselves, not themselves but the three posion.

we strive to unroot the three posions.. cos all of us have the tendency to perform negative actions due to three posions ( the PRIMARY cause of all bad karma ).

To repel ignorance, Buddha, dhamma and sangha are the way. For those who don't understand why, should read up more on it.

Isis SG

If my boss shout @ me, push blame on me when things wrong. I will reason with him tactfully. This depends on the sitaution. I duno the whole picture so i cant advise with referance to the situation....

and also rejoice, cos it offers a chance for me to learn to control my temper and learning to be more tolerance.. when fate hands me a lemon, make it a nice and refreshing lemonade =)

Colleagues who do not like you: Dun be hateful cos when u r hateful.. u can give out unwelcome vibes unknowingly.. Be kind and helpful, Who don't like?

Communication with your colleagues are also very important.