I have posted this because I've seen many of such question being
raised in other forums regarding "what to do" when it comes to
religion and marriage/family.
-----------------------------------------------------
http://www.jenchen.org.sg/vol6no3c.htm
Volume 6 no
3
The
Voice of Bliss
The
family is our source of strength and happiness. Yet at times a
diversity of religion and faith can exist within the family circle.
The spirit of Buddhism advocates a freedom of choice, tolerance and
mutual respect, for what good is there if there is religious
homogeneity but a stark absence of happiness and bliss in the
family? The key is practising the code of family ethics, compassion
and loving-kindness and even if through these, others are not
persuaded to the realm of Buddhism, let it be. Happiness and bliss,
after all, is what all humanity seeks.
Happy
Family
Mutual respect begets
harmony
How may a family whose
members have different religions live together
harmoniously?
One common principle that mankind all over the world abides by is
the freedom of choice of religion and faith. A country may have
different religions co-existing at the same time, such as Buddhism,
Catholicism, Christianity or Islam. But, we have to understand that
it is the condition arising from love that causes people to have
families, parents and children. It is a good thing if the family is
happy and blissful. However, if the family members bear different
faiths, so long as each member keeps his faith to himself, refrain
from slandering or debating over each others faith, but mutually
respecting each others faith and character, then the family will
naturally be harmonious.
Further, the younger generation ought to refrain from arguing with
their elders because it is their parents who brought them up.
Moreover, there is no purpose in arguing with them. We have to
practise filial piety and be good so that we do them proud. Then,
they will feel that their children are righteous, well behaved, and
may willingly join us to learn about Buddhism. This will be ideal.
Otherwise, it is not filial to constantly argue with them. When we
learn and practise Buddhism, we have to exercise wisdom. With
regards to differences in religions and faiths, as long as we
maintain mutual respect, I believe, the family will be
harmonious.
Freedom in choice of
religion
If the children of a Buddhist
family choose to marry a person of a different faith, will the
marriage work out well?
Although a person may be a Buddhist himself, it is not necessary
that his children must also Buddhists. We may, of course, promote
and encourage our children to embrace Buddhism. However, we cannot
force it upon them. Moreover, we should not object to their
marriage just because their partners are from a different
faith.
In this present age, everybody has the freedom to love and choose
his or her own lifetime partner. Similarly, everyone has the
freedom of choice of religion and faith. No religion can compel its
followers (and their dependants) to only believe in that particular
faith, and object to marriages outside that particular faith. I
believe, as parents, with regards to their childrens marriages,
the primary concerns are the relationship between the two parties
and how to guide their children in deciding their lifetime
partners. Religion and faith are secondary factors; it is their
happiness after the marriage that matters most of all. It would be
useful for parents to counsel their children about the code of
family ethics, such as the role and responsibilities of a husband
and wife, and how to be good parents themselves. If they do not
know how to live harmoniously and fulfil their responsibilities as
husband and wife, or to be good parents, even if both of them
believe in Buddhism, the marriage may still not work out well. If,
for instance, the choice partner believes in a different faith, as
a parent, one may promote the teachings of Buddhism so that he or
she finds it acceptable. It will, of course, be good to establish a
household based on the principles of Buddhism. If, meanwhile that
cannot be achieved, one should adopt the Buddhist teaching of
loving-kindness, compassion and equality towards all beings, in
relation to the son-in-law or daughter-in-law. It is a good thing
for a couple to bear the same faith and share the same principles
and values, with both cultivating together and becoming partners on
the Bodhi-path. It would be even better if they were eventually
reborn in the Buddha-land.
Perfect harmony amid
differences
I have embraced Buddhism and
taken refuge in the Three Treasures, but my husband still adopts
the Taoist way of praying to Avalokitesvara Bodhisattva (Guan-yin
Pu-sa), what should I do?
Actually, while you believe in Buddhism, you still have to learn to
be harmonious in all your endeavours. It may be because your
husband has formed an affinity with Avalokitesvara Bodhisattva that
he worships Avalokitesvara Bodhisattva in the Taoist way. According
to the sutra of the Universal Door Chapter of Avalokitesvara
Bodhisattva, If a person can only be guided or saved by a
government official, Avalokitesvara Bodhisattva shall manifest as a
government official to explain the Dharma to him. If a person can
only be guided or saved by a king of ghosts, Avalokitesvara
Bodhisattva shall manifest as a king of ghosts to explain the
Dharma to him. If a person can only be guided or saved by embracing
another religion, Avalokitesvara Bodhisattva shall manifest as a
person of that same religion to explain the Dharma to him. Your
husband prays to the Avalokitesvara Bodhisattva and yet he believes
in Taoism. In this case we may consider him as a person who has
embraced another religion, but has formed an affinity with
Avalokitesvara Bodhisattva. Someday, when he understands the truth
based on this affinity, he may embrace Buddhism.
You should compliment your husband; I am indeed fortunate to meet
a person like you. I have spoken to my Teacher about you and he
says that you are a good man. You are devoted and in future many
good things will happen to you. Your husband will be delighted
when he hears this, and may feel positive about your Teacher and
your faith. In this way, one day, he may come to take refuge in the
Three Treasures and embrace Buddhism.
On the other hand, you should not say, My Teacher commented that
you are no good and you are a believer of an unorthodox religion.
Your husband may be so angered by such a remark that the next time
I conduct a Dharma talk, he may forbid you to attend. Hence, we
have to be perfectly rounded (flexible?) and harmonious in the way
we deal with all matters (being harmonious even among
differences).
However, although he worships the Avalokitesvara Bodhisattva in
that manner, you ought not to harbour such thought that, since my
husband worships the Bodhisattva as a Taoist, perhaps I should do
likewise.