Managing Difficult Customer Situations Professionally

BanguIzai SG

MANAGING DIFFICULT CUSTOMER SITUATIONS PROFESSIONALLY

Defining Difficult Customers

Ask yourself:

Who are difficult?

Why are they difficult?

What is the difference between an angry customer and a difficult customer?

People act difficult because it is so effective, and up until now has more or less fuelled their feeling of power (they can shout you down)

Enforced their feelings that being difficult is an acceptable way to communicate (perhaps no one has challenged them?)

Delivered the results they want – Difficult people hope that because of their difficult behaviour you will start to give priority to their wishes (because of the consequences)

BanguIzai SG

MANAGING DIFFICULT CUSTOMER SITUATIONS PROFESSIONALLY

Communication Channels

Face-to-Face Communication

55% Body Language

38% The way you say those words

7% Words

In face-to-face communication with others, people read your body language (facial expression, posture, gesture) first, listen to your tone of voice to determine the meaning of your words

Non-verbal signals are said to be at least four and half times as effective as verbal signals; facial expressions eight times as powerful as the words used

Body language is subconscious. We do not necessarily understand/realize the messages we are sending. Our body language will often give away our true feelings despite what we say

Body language communicates your attitude. How you feel on a certain day will show in your body language and in your voice

Telephone Communication

82% Tone of voice

18% Words

In the case of telephone communication, it is from your tone of voice that others determine the meaning of what you said

BanguIzai SG

MANAGING DIFFICULT CUSTOMER SITUATIONS PROFESSIONALLY

Assertive Communication

What is Assertiveness?

Assertiveness = Ability to express one’s feelings, opinions, wants and needs in a direct and honest manner

Ability to say “no” without feeling guilty and sticking to it

Feel comfortable using “I” and not “we” or “you”

Remain silent by choice

Assertiveness is a characteristic of behaviour not of a person. We are not born assertive: it is something that we need to learn

An assertive person is someone with a positive mental attitude, self-belief and confidence to express opinions. Such a person listens to others and does not impose his or her views on others

Assertiveness behaviour is not a natural form of behaviour for human beings

Humans are primed to behave in a certain way when face with danger. Our natural flexes will cause either fight (can be translated into aggressive behaviour) or take flight (can be translated into submissive behaviour)

Aggression

Assertiveness ≠ Aggression

Aggression = Self-enhancing behaviour at the expense of others

Aggressive behaviour = Feelings of others are ignored, violated and not taken into consideration

Result of aggressive behaviour = the other party feels hurt, angry and revengeful

Submissiveness

Assertiveness ≠ Submissiveness

Submissiveness behaviour means neglecting to defend your personal rights and beliefs

Putting the rights of others before your own rights

One may become submissive when faced with a bully, or someone in an authoritative position

A submissive person tends to suppress his/her feelings and suppression of negative feelings – hurt, anger, frustrations, etc – for a too long time is unhealthy and it can lead to certain problems

Problems include:

I. emotional – anxiety, fear, depression, low self-esteem

II. behavioural – aggression, withdrawal, obsession

Benefits of Being Assertive

Advantages of Assertiveness

Develop your communication skills

Gain the respect of others

The relationship is strengthened by the exchange: Assertiveness washes away uncertainty and confusion that undermines relationship

Your needs, wants and feelings are understood

Enhance your confidence and self-esteem

You feel in control of your own life

You experience fewer conflicts and arguments, experience great job satisfaction

Above all, an assertive person can learn to negotiate mutually satisfactory solutions to a variety of interpersonal problems

Obstacles to Assertiveness

Do not know how to be assertive

Of the opinion that it is “bad” to be assertive

Fear of consequences

Unequal power in the relationship

Assertive Self-Assessment

Types of Assertion

Basic

Empathic

Escalating

I-Language

Basic Assertion

Simple, straightforward expression of your beliefs, feelings, or opinions

Usual simple “I want” or “I feel” statement

Empathic Assertion

This conveys come sensitivity to the other person

It contains two parts: a recognition of the other person’s situation or feelings, followed by a statement in which you stand up for your rights

Example:

“I know you’ve really been busy, but I want to feel that this project is important to you. I want/like you to make time for me and for us…

Escalating Assertion

It may include some type of resulting action on your part

Example:

If you don’t complete your work by 4 p.m. today, I will be forced to submit the project proposal without your contribution

I-Language Assertion

“I”-language assertion is very useful for expressing negative feelings

It involves a 3-part statement

I. When you do… (describe the exact behaviour of the other person)

II. The effects are… (describe how the behaviour concretely affects you i.e. what is happening because of their behaviour)

III. I’d prefer… (describe your feelings & what you want)

It helps you to constructively focus your feelings and give the other person complete information, leaving no room for doubt

Example:

“When you turn up late for the meeting (behaviour), I feel upset (feelings) because we have to repeat everything all of us had heard and that took us another half an hour (effect).”

Assertive Communication Skills

Assertive Skills

1. Use open secure body language

2. Use calm moderate tone of voice

3. Use assertive language

Nonverbal Assertiveness

- Open secure body language

I. Maintain eye contact when speaking to the other party

Importance of Eye Contact

If you as a speaker look at a listener, it may be a signal of confidence in what you say

If you as a listener look away from a speaker, it may indicate that you are dissatisfied with what is being said or that you are trying to conceal your reaction to the speaker’s word

Nonverbal Assertiveness

- Open secure body language

I. Maintain eye contact when speaking to the other party

II. If standing, stand straight with both feet firmly on ground; standing tall helps you to project authority

III. If sitting, sit up straight – do not slouch. Sitting up gives the impression you’re in control

IV. Arms by the side – not in the pockets; little gesturing – the less you gesture, the more powerful you will be perceived

Non-Assertive Body Language

I. Eye blinking rapidly, squinting, staring or looking away from other party’s face

II. Wetting lips, clearing throat, swallowing repeatedly

III. Scratching head, touching different parts of the face/hair/body (like the fingernails)

IV. Wandering, pacing, shifting weight from one foot to another

V. Tinkering with jewelry, adjusting clothing

Powerful Speech

- Calm Moderate Tone of Voice

I. Speak clearly – articulate your words well

II. Speaking rate – Submissive people speak too slow while aggressive people too loud. Moderate your speaking rate. Eliminate disfluencies –such as “er”, “ah”, “okay”, “you know” etc – from your speech. No verbal pauses. No hedges – “Don’t get me wrong but…” Speak with confidence yet sound calm/in control

Assertive Skills

Scenario: You are going to speak to one of your customers who has made some complaint about your unit’s poor service. He has previously taken up a lot of your time with similar complaints. He is very difficult and you find handling him tough and stressful. What will be the inner voice inside be saying?

Possible inner voice: “Oh no… not him again. I can’t stand him. He is so unreasonable.”

Difficult for one to project a powerful, calm moderate voice if one had negative inner voice

With that negative inner voice, you will usually end up either behaving submissively or aggressively

Positive Attitude

Instead one need to have a positive inner voice: “He is a difficult person but I can manage him. I can keep calm.”

If you feel you are losing your calm with a very difficult person, do not be discouraged. Tell yourself “I will do better next time. I can and will keep calmer.”

Assertive Skills

- Use Assertive Language

Use “I” statements

Broken record – repeating what you want, be persistent

Acknowledge what the other person is saying, then repeat your view, opinion etc

Provide feedback – respond to what the other person is saying

Language of Assertiveness

“I” statements

I think…

I want…

I feel…

Statements of personal reference & personal meaning

This is the way I see it.

This is what it means to me.

In my opinion…

Language of Assertiveness

Asking for time

I like to discuss this is an hour.

Asking for clarification – instead of assuming

I like to clarify with you…

Statements of Request

I need…

I want…

Statements offering compromise

I would like this…

I think…And what do you think?

We can work this out. What time is good for you?

What would you like?

Lets us…

Shall we…

Avoid demanding and blaming statements

You make me…

You think…

You should have/shouldn’t have

If only you had/would…

Don’t you think you…

You are wrong/Its your fault

Assertive Skills

- Making Requests

If you have to give a reason, make sure it is genuine and make it brief; otherwise no need to justify for making request

- Refusing requests

Keep your reply short but not abrupt: “I prefer not to”, “I rather not”**

** This is not appropriate in the case of external customers

Avoid saying “I can’t” phrases which sound like excuses

With short replies, you need to slow down, speak steadily and with warmth otherwise the reply can sound abrupt

Buy yourself some time – If you can’t say ‘no’ then buy yourself some time. In other words, do not commit yourself straight away

Ways of “buying” time: asking for clarification or information

“I need to look into this. I’ll get back to you in half an hour/next day.”

“I need to check my schedule before agreeing to help in the project. I will call you this afternoon.”

“What detail do I need to go into?”

- Offering compromise

Use questions to find out thoughts, opinions and wants of others: “How does that fit with your plans?” “What does it involve?” “What are your thoughts on …?”

Vs “Er… well I thought you might like to…”

Use cooperative words “Let us…”, “Shall we…”, “I can…and you help by…”

BanguIzai SG

MANAGING DIFFICULT CUSTOMER SITUATIONS PROFESSIONALLY

The Art of Saying No

Saying “no” to customer is difficult. If it is done in the wrong manner, then you may be escalating a problem or lose a customer

Before saying “no” to a customer, consider two things:

why saying no is merited – is it a clear “no-no” or does it belong to the “grey area”? Can you make an exception?

when you really have to say no, the way you say no makes a BIG difference

Use a three-part “no” statement

Part one of your no should be an apology. Say it with sincerity; if the customer perceived it as sincere, he is more likely to accept it, will become calmer and more receptive to discussing the problem with you

Following the “no” is an explanation of why an exception cannot be made. If the explanation why an exception cannot be made sounds legitimate, the customer will be more inclined to accept it. Again, your tone will make the difference: If you sound unsure or tentative, the customer will most likely try to take advantage

Final part is to tell your customer what you can do for them – any extra effort will be greatly appreciated by your customer

Remember every customer knows that it isn’t always possible to get a “yes” answer. If there is a legitimate reason for saying “no” and the “no” is said in the nicest possible manner, you minimize the possibility of a negative reaction

Other considerations:

Deliver the bad news upfront. Do not procrastinate. The sooner you tell the customer the bad news the more control the customer has over the outcome. Also deliver the bad news in a calm manner: the calmer you can deliver the bad news, the calmer it will be received

Avoid triggering words or phrases

Choose neutral words and phrases

Triggering Words

- Triggering words are words or phrases that

give the impression of you “giving order” to customers

reflect the “I-do-not-care” attitude

sound accusing/blaming the customers

sound like giving excuses

Triggering word/phrases

Collaborating/Defusing phrases

You should/shouldn’t have…

Lets us/Shall we…

There is nothing I can do

What I will/can do is…

I don’t know/I am not in charge of that…

Let me check if for you

Why didn’t/can’t you…

I can understand the situation…

Sorry that’s our rule/regulation/policy

In order to provide you with great service…

BanguIzai SG

MANAGING DIFFICULT CUSTOMER SITUATIONS PROFESSIONALLY

Strategies for handling Dissatisfaction

- Before one can intervene effectively, one must

understand what’s behind the nasty customer outburst by looking at the nature of customer’s problems and emotions

manage one’s own emotions/responses

Understanding Nature of Customers’ Problems & Emotions

- What a Problem is…

A problem is the difference between what we want to happen and what actually happens (Source: Stephen Covey)

When there is a problem, customer will be concerned

A customer’s concern refers to any EMOTION surrounding the facts of a problem

Dissatisfaction increases or continues when that emotion or feeling is not well handled

An issue becomes a BIG issue if customer’s emotion/feeling is not well handled

On the contrary, if customer’s emotion is handled properly, even big issue can be resolved

NEVER allow the “emotional wall” to become thicker and thicker; it will take a lot from you to penetrate to resolve the real issue

Deal with the Emotion first before dealing with the Issue

Understanding Customers’ Behaviour

Research has shown that 90% of angry/upset customers whose complaints are resolved quickly will return as customers. They become your repeat customers

Major Problems

(over $100 losses)

Minor Problems

($1 - $5 losses)

Managing Own Responses

When a customer behaves poorly, one thing for certain is that the service provider will be affected, and the company may suffer from declining employee satisfaction and performance

As a service provider, you must learn to manage your own emotions before you attempt to satisfy your irate customer

Stay calm – This is easier said than done. But with conscious efforts and with some practice one can master it. Do not allow your own “emotional wall” to grow

Listen to your heart – monitor yourself for the signs of physical arousal; if you are revved up, then breathe deeply, calm yourself down first. If you are calm and thinking you will say something constructive

Have positive self-talk: tell yourself “I CAN manage this.” – repeatedly if necessary. The purpose is to take control of yourself – forcing yourself to think, to use your rational brain

Techniques to use:

Give them a break – They have some personal problem that has nothing to do with you

Refuse to act like a victim

Refuse to like a difficult person

Aim yourself towards a positive direction: you can learn something from them

Visualize yourself unplugged from them as if from an electric socket

- Basic principle in handling difficult people:

You cannot change another person’s action

you can only change your own reaction

Remember:

Only 10% of life is what happens to you – the other 90% is how you choose to react to it (Charles Swindoll)

How to defuse Anger?

Empathetic Listening

Engaging in blame displacement

Apology

Necessary corrective actions by service providers

- Empathetic Listening

Empathy is the ability to put yourself in another person’s shoes and walk a mile; it is the ability to imagine what it might be like to experience what the other person is

Empathy is essential in dealing with customers who are upset or angry

When a person is highly emotional, the “primitive” part of the brain (which controls emotions in humans; which also gives us our “instinct” – our fight or flight response) takes over. It is powerful and dominates the other part of the brain, the neocortex (the rational brain). That’s why when one is very angry or very upset, one usually cannot reason well

It takes effort on the part of the emotional person to wrest control of the brain and let the rational brain take over

The passage of time helps the above process, along with deep breathing and other means self-regulation

As service providers, we can calm an upset or a angry customer by expressing empathy as it helps to absorb emotion, allowing the agitated person to think more logically

By showing empathy, customer realizes you are on his side and he is more willing to talk to you, work with you to fix the problem, allow you to resolve the problem

Listening with empathy does not “just happened” especially when you are on the receiving end: you have to do it consciously

One must desire to listen in order to listen well. The Chinese character below clearly shows that if one uses only the ear, then one hears but not listens.

To listen well, one must gather information through his sense of sight & listen “wholeheartedly”

“Non-Reflective Listening”

- Signs that you are not listening with empathy:

You listen with the intent to reply. When you do that, you often make premature evaluation, i.e. explaining too quickly to justify yourself before the customer finishes saying everything he/she wants to say

You listen but to get even with or get back at customer because you think you heard something that was bothersome

- Empathetic Listening

To show empathy, simply reflect on the feelings and repeat or rephrase the content

“3R’s of Paraphrasing”

- Empathetic Response

Repeat Content

Rephrase Content

Reflect Feelings

“Importance of Paraphrasing”

Build rapport: via paraphrasing

Words, phrases and images people use give us important information about the inner worlds they inhabit. By pacing this aspect of their speech, you are telling them that you understand them and they can trust you

- Examples of Empathetic Listening

I can see why this is upsetting for you. Please let me help you with that.

I will be upset if that happens to me.

That is really frustrating. I can understand how you feel.

Use empathetic response and ask for time: Disrupt the angry person by slowing down by asking for time. If someone is attacking you say “I hear what you are saying. Please give me a minute to think about this/some time to work this out for you.” No one will get angry with you for taking them seriously

- Buying time

Know your goal – Impossible to simultaneously calm someone down, get him back, and convince him that the whole thing is not really your fault. You can only achieve only one goal at a time with the few seconds you bought for yourself. If you send mixed messages, only the most aggressive will register. Your goal should be calming the other person down – “thinning the emotional wall” – enough to have a rational discussion

Speak softly – soft speech seems less threatening, makes you feel calmer too – as internal state is strongly influenced by external behaviour

In defusing anger, your goal is to break the rhythm, not join in

- Engaging in Blame Displacement & Apology

With empathetic listening and asking for time, one can then engage with the customer in “blame displacement” followed by an apology

When something goes wrong for the customer, he wants to hear that you are sorry about the problem and/or inconvenience. He also wants someone to take the blame, take ownership of the problem he faced

By saying “sorry”, it does not imply you are at fault (unless it is indeed so). All it means is that you are sorry that the customer has suffered inconvenience/experienced anxiety and you understand how he feels

By absorbing the “blame” it also does not mean you are to be blamed. You are merely representing your organization and showing your customer that you take ownership of the customer’s problem

If the fault lies with the customer, remain neutral. No customer likes to be told they are wrong

- Taking Necessary Corrective Actions

Once the customer has accepted the apology, you then can do what is necessary to make things right for him/her

Always check with customer if solution is acceptable

- Taking the EXTRA step

Within your means, give a little extra to win/wow the customer

BanguIzai SG

MANAGING DIFFICULT CUSTOMER SITUATIONS PROFESSIONALLY

Managing The Extremes

- Some customers become so angry that they start to

yell (non-stop)

become verbally abusive

Never reason with a person who is yelling – if you ask someone to stop yelling, he/she will say they are not yelling but just have loud voices/that is the way they speak etc

Try instead “Please speak more slowly. I’d like to understand.” Often angry people will comply without thinking. Reducing speed will also reduce volume (for one can’t yell softly!)

If the yelling does not stop, repeat the outcome you want: “Mr Lim, please speak slowly. I want to help. I like to understand. Please help me. Slow down a little so that I can get all the details.”

Validate the problem or emotional state – angry people state their points, and when the people around them do not recognize the implicit question, so angry people repeat themselves, more loudly each time

Hence to stop the cycle, listen and empathize, understand the question that is being asked, answer “Yes, you have a right to feel the way you do.” Do not use the word “angry”

Don’t explain – Explanations are disguised form of fighting back or running away

The typical explanation boils down to either:

a play of dominance – If you know all the facts, then you’ll see that I’m right and you’re wrong

an attempt to run away – It wasn’t my fault, you should be mad at someone else

worst of all, invalidation – You have no right to be angry/yell at me

Listen without trying to correct misinformation – This is hard. What bothers people is usually errors, misconceptions and incomplete understanding. The temptation to jump in to clear everything up by explaining the real situation. Your helpfulness may be seen as an attempt to cut off discussion.\

Take some distance – Angry people will step into your personal bubble of space; they stand too close or attempt to loom over you. Such aggressive gestures will automatically increase your arousal and theirs. Moving forward or backward all signal fighting back or running away

Do something unexpected – offer a drink, ask the person to sit down, or step away to take something relevant – pen, paper, file etc

Ask instead “What would you like me to do?”

To answer the question, they must stop and think which is precisely what you want them to do

Speak assertively using I-language – “I like to help. This is what I can/will do” or “What I can do is…” followed by “what you can do is…”

“What I can do is…”

This phrase tells customers that you want to help them, along with the specific actions you will take to get their problem(s) resolved. The alternative actions you offer may not be exactly what the customer wants but will usually help create an acceptable resolution to the problem and reduce the customer’s feeling of frustration

“What you can do is…”

This phrase tells customers that they have some control over the outcome of the situation and that you consider them your partners in getting the problem resolved. Possible suggestions for customers may involve recommendations for a temporary fix to the problem or actions that the customer can take in the future to prevent this occurrence from happening again

- Managing The Extremes

Negotiate if necessary – “If you could help me with/give me some time…I will…”

Ask for agreement – “Will that be acceptable?”

End positively by thanking the customer – do it sincerely; it reflects your professionalism and you will earn your customer’s respect

If the customer becomes verbally abusive, put a stop to it immediately. Speak with assertion: “Mr Lim, I want to help. I find it difficult to do so if you use this language. I can help if you allow me.”

If the customer does not stop, repeat the outcome you want. Do not get drawn into an argument

BanguIzai SG

MANAGING DIFFICULT CUSTOMER SITUATIONS PROFESSIONALLY

Letting it go: Recharging Yourself

Group Discussion:

Handling difficult customers can be quite challenging. How do you deal with your own feelings (anger, frustrations or residue of that) after facing one difficult encounter before facing the next tricky situation with a clean slate?

The simple A-B-C-D Theory: Exploring how our feelings influence our assumptions, where we make things up, and act as if what we made up is true

A ctivating event

B eliefs

C onsequential feelings

D elibrate actions

Simple De-stressing Techniques:

- Coping

- Co-operating

Self-awareness is more than 50% the solution

Other Coping Techniques

- Exercise

- Hobbies

- “Anchoring”

Co-operating Techniques

- Identify work priorities and balance with your personal concerns

- Find and mix with people who can support and nurture you

Summing Up

The ultimate truth about managing difficult customers: What is there for you?