Hi, I stop cars with one hand.
Its pretty obvious that I look dead like a vampire, but it took
HALFWAY through the movie for them to establish my identity! I
guess its a bonus that they make me secretive and mysterious
towards the first half. The girls are carried away by this. The
guys dun buy it of course.
I guess the only exciting part of the movie to watch is the
baseball scene. But its not any different than Charlie Angel's
slow-mo pausing fight scenes or Matrix bullet-time fight scenes.
And they all went like HOLY CRAP THATS THE COOLEST SCENE EVA!!
Pfftt!!
Theres very little action and suspense after that. I guess some
girls will outgrow this kind of movie. But there are always new
batches of screaming teens who would compare this with something
like an Oscar movie. Something like Titanic. But at least Titanic
is palpatable. Its an actual tragedy. I climb trees and read ppl's
minds. Never mind that I'm immortal. I just give girls delusions of
grandeur and I keep playing it and playing it in their heads. And
yet they fall for its fictitiousness. Nice!
I tried withholding myself by not giving in too much to the kissing
scene. And girls love me for it. They like to be tease this way.
Every guy knows that! Oldest trick in the book.
Maybe the book has a story. Its a romance novel. But my movie is
really just a promo for it. And/or for the sake of giving Edward
Cullen a face so that readers could animate me and fantasise me in
the book later.
I can't say that you guys are gonna like it very much. It gets
draggy after the 1st time, man. Admit it! The movie sucks that is
why its not worth a SECOND look! Good looks will go after a while
right? Why can't u guys face the reality that I'm the best looking
guy on the planet and thats the only saving grace of the movie and
the reason u pay the 8 bucks?
Why huh?
Take it away from here, guys! You're welcome :)
- Edward Cullen