WE NEED THIS
The $70 Grill Alert Talking Remote Thermometer is a talking
remote thermometer for your grill. You just jam the temperature
probe in your choice of meat, push some buttons, and then sit in a
hammock and guzzle beer while deliciousness deliciousizes itself.
When the meat reaches your predetermined temperature of choice, the
thing tells you it's time to slap that bitch on a plate and OM NOM
the shit out of it.
Is there a version of this that takes the temperature of a human
body with a probe that can be inserted into the various body
orifices? 
