australian letter of the year!
Dear Mr. Minister,
I'm in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot
believe this.
How is it that K-Mart has my address and telephone number, and
knows that I bought a Television Set and Golf Clubs from them back
in 1997, and yet, the Federal Government is still asking me where I
was born and on what date.
For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand?
My birth date you have in my Medicare information, and it is on all
the income tax forms I've filed for the past 40 years. It is on my
driver's licence, on the last eight passports I've ever had, on all
those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before
being allowed off the planes over the last 30 years, and all those
insufferable census forms that I've filled out every 5 years since
1966.
Also. would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my
mother's name is Audrey, my Father's name is Jack, and I'd be
absolutely fucking astounded if that ever changed between now and
when I drop dead!!!...
SHIT!
I apologize, Mr. Minister. But I'm really pissed off this morning.
Between you an' me, I've had enough of all this bullshit! You send
the application to my house, then you ask me for my fucking
address!! What the hell is going on with your mob? Have you got a
gang of mindless Neanderthal arseholes workin' there!
And another thing, look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin
Laden? I can't even grow a beard for God's sakes. I just want to go
to New Zealand and see my new granddaughter. (Yes, my son interbred
with a Kiwi girl). And would someone please tell me, why would you
give a shit whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days?
If I ever got the urge to do something weird to a sheep or a horse,
believe you me, I'd sure as hell not want to tell anyone!
Well, I have to go now, 'cause I have to go to the other end of the
city, and get another fucking copy of my birth certificate, and to
part with another $80 for the privilege of accessing MY OWN
INFORMATION!
Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same
spot, to assist in the issuance of a new passport on the same day??
Nooooo.. that'd be too fucking easy and makes far too much sense.
You would much prefer to have us running all over the place like
chickens with our fucking heads cut off, and then having to find
some high society wanker to confirm that it's really me in the
goddamn photo! You know the photo..the one where we're not allowed
to smile?! ...you fucking morons
Signed - An Irate Australian Citizen.
PS: Remember what I said above about the picture, and getting
someone in high-society to confirm that it's me? Well, my
family has been in this country since before 1850! In 1856,
one of my forefathers took up arms with Peter Lalor. (You do
remember the Eureka Stockade!!)
I have also served in both the CMF and regular Army something over
30 years (I went to Vietnam in 1967), and still have high security
clearances. I'm also a personal friend of the president of the
RSL.. and Lt General Peter Cosgrove sends me a Christmas card each
year.
However, your rules require that I have to get someone 'important'
to verify who I am; You know.. someone like my doctor; WHO WAS BORN
AND RAISED IN FUCKING PAKISTAN!!!.......a country where they either
assassinate or hang their ex-Prime Ministers, and are suspended
from the Commonwealth for not having the 'right sort of
government.'
PPS: You are all Fucking idiots.
