Due to Economic Crisis, Ministries to
Restructure
Posted on Wednesday, October 29,
2008
Topic:
Politics
by Henthesun, edited by K.K.Cheow
Due to the current global economic meltdown and to mark the 20th
anniversary of the launching of the Group Representative
Constituency (GRC), all the Ministries in the Gahmen will be
restructured into Giant Regulating Ministries (GRMs).
“Just as we modified our parliamentary representation system into
GRCs to suit our… sorry, sorry, the country’s needs,” said
Mr. Cheng Hu Kong, a spokesman for Deputy Speaker of Parliament Mr.
Abdullah Maggimee. “And just like how private sector companies
merge to save costs, so we’re going to combine single ministries
into Giant Regulating Ministries (GRMs).
Mr. Cheng said that the GRMs will bring new benefits to the
country.
“First, it provides racial harmony,” he explained. “Because each
GRM will comprise a minimum of 3 to a maximum of 6. Meanwhile, some
ministries will have to be split, and this means more ministers.
Which means more diversity.”
“Second, it promotes healthy competition,” he said. “MPs will
compete and work harder to qualify as one of the new
Ministers.”
“Thirdly, it encourages meritocracy,” he smiled. “By merging
ministries, we can ask C grade civil servants to leave, instead of
D grade civil servants as is the case right now.”
Following the GRM restructuring, the new Governmental structure
will be as follows:
1. The Prime Minister’s Orifice, the Ministry of Finance and the
Ministry of Law will be merged into a Central Governance
GRM. For diversity purposes, an Indian Minister will be
required in order to argue in court and count money.
2. The Ministries of Community Development, Youth and Sports, Home
Affairs and Education will be merged into the Home
GRM. For diversity purposes, a Malay Minister will be
required to monitor police and football affairs.
3. The Ministry of Inhibiting and Censoring the Arts (MICA) will be
rebranded as the Entertainment GRM, and will
include sub-Ministries to regulate crucial entertainment sectors
like casinos, Speakers Corner, crazy mega-churches, stunts done at
charity shows, and Jack Neo. When asked why no Ministries were
being merged with MICA, Mr. Cheng replied, “Because we’re already
folding the State’s Times and MediaCock into them.” A Chinese
Minister is required here, because Chinese people have the most
developed cultural history of 'wayang-ing'.
4. The Ministry of Environment and Water Resources, the Ministry of
Transport and the Ministry of Health will be merged into a single
Fuel GRM. “We thought these Ministries were a good
fit for each other because their areas of regulation cross-over to
some extent,” Mr. Cheng explained. “To protect the environment, we
have to regulate transport, and because of the way we regulate
transport, we affect people’s health. Look at how much stress the
ERP is causing.”
5. The Ministries of National Development, Trade and Industry and
Manpower will all be merged into a single Work
GRM. “One of the crucial tasks of this GRM will be to
examine future work sectors to be developed, especially during this
economic crisis,” said Mr. Cheng. “We anticipate that the growth
sectors during bad financial times will include the sale of
backsides, the frying of cuttlefish and the hanging of pigs’
heads.”
6. The Defence and Foreign Affairs Ministrys have been combined
into the Armed Forces and Foreign Affairs GRM or
AFFA. “AFFA will also include the Insecurity,
sorry, sorry, Internal Security Department,” Mr. Cheng
said. TalkingCock tried to speak to someone at the ISD for comment,
but we were told that everyone had “gone toilet”.
“The Gahmen truly believes that this restructuring will save
significant costs,” Mr. Cheng concluded. “So that taxpayers’ money
can be better deployed into crucial new areas. Like funding all the
salaries for the new Ministers.”
TalkingCock also polled responses from the public about the
impending mergers.
“Wah lan,” said Mr. Yew Nai Tet, an accountant. “Last time our
constituencies got grouped, now our ministries. In 20 to 50 years’
time, will our countries or continents be grouped too? We might not
have any more sovereignty, but then bleddy Malaysia might stop
complaining about that stupid lighthouse.”
“I think it’s cool,” said manga enthusiast Miss Annie Mae. “But
it’d be cooler if all the Ministries could merge into a single
giant robot.”
“What’s the point?” sighed professional optimist Mr. See Nee Ker.
“With that logic, might as well just merge every single Ministry
under one person. Like now lai dat.”
