Try Beetroot? Artichoke?
Artemus wanted desperately to be a hitman for the mob.
In order to be taken seriously, he decided to break into the
"trade" with a bang.
He put up an open contract that for his first hit, he will
assassinate anyone for $1.
The local capo decided to try him out and sent Artemus to murder
the local politician who was in the pocket of the rival mob.
The capo gave Artemus $1 and asked him how he was going to kill the
politician.
Artemus said that he was going to strangle the politician with
his bare hands, that will provide a gruesome enough death which
will cause a sensation, therefore adding to both their
reputations.
So, off Artemus went and staked out the politician.
That night, while the politician was in his study, Artemus crept
in and strangled the man. However, the politician was a
strong man and put up an almighty struggle, knocking over much
furniture and breaking things. The commotion drew his wife
who came into the study and screamed her head off from the
violence.
Artemus was forced to strangle her to death too as he did not
bring any weapons with him.
By this time, the live-in maid was woken up and triggered the
police alarm so the siren was blaring away. Artemus, in a
rage found her and also strangled her to death.
In that time, the police arrived and arrested Artemus. He
was charged with the murder of three people by strangulation.
It was big news.
The next day, all the papers had the headline:
Artie Chokes Three For A Dollar!
