Student Demands Grades Be Raised to Meet
Benchmarks
by Kway Png
A student at Stamford Higher Institution for Tuition (SHIT) has
demanded that his grades be raised to close the gap between his
marks and the marks of the top muggers to which he has pegged his
grades.
Right now my grades are less than 55% of the top muggers in my
class, said Chee Ter Buck, 14. I deserve to have the gap
closed.
Chee said that he had pegged his grades to the top muggers in order
to stop himself from cheating at tests.
I could easily be a top student and score 110, maybe 120 marks out
of every test, said Chee. But what would school life be like
without lazy, smart-ass bullies like me? I felt I had a
responsibility towards maintaining the traditions of SHIT. But I
also feel I should be rewarded for it. All the muggers will go on
to scholarships or big corporate jobs, whereas I will have to run a
wine bar, club or modeling agency which Ill have to ask my daddy
to fund. Is that fair? I dont think so.
But chope if cheating is getting good grades without working for
it, then isnt getting your grades inflated to some arbitrary peg
that you arbitrarily set without actually doing the work also
cheating of a kind?
Its not my fault that the exams dont value the kind of smartness
I have, said Chee.
And what kind of smartness is that?
Hey, its pretty smart of me to think up this peg thing, whaaat!
replied Chee.
Other students and teachers in SHIT were less than enthusiastic
about Chees demands, but Chee remains unrepentant.
I just fuck care them, he said. You must look at things in
perspective. Giving me 50 or 60 marks more is nothing if they want
my daddy to donate a swimming pool or new computer lab to the
school. So they jolly well get out of my elite, uncaring
face.
Teachers at SHIT say they have taken into consideration the outrage
expressed by the rest of the school, but have decided to compromise
by awarding Chee about 66.6 percent higher grades. Said a spokesman
who did not wish to be named, Were living in the real world. At
the end of the day, what schools want more than a democratic
society, built on justice and equality, is actually a swimming pool
or new computer lab.
Meanwhile, the Singapore Board of Censors has issued a PG rating
to the current Ministerial Salary show that is playing all over the
media. According to Censorship Board spokesman Yew Bei Kan, Some
people said the Ministerial Salaries were obscene. But we checked
with the Ministers, and they said they werent, so thats the end
of the matter. When asked what the PG stands for, Mr Yew
replied, Pay Gahmen.
