If you're a gifted
flirt,
talking about the price of eggs will do as well as any other
subject.
~Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960
Flirting is a fun, interactive socially acceptable human behaviour.
We are all privy to it at some point or other in our lives, some...
more so than others. It's all perfectly natural.
It is a means of introducing ourselves to the society in general;
create an awareness of our existence, whilst using our self
confidence to its maximum potential. It is pretty much harmless in
nature, yet it can be the cause of major problems in a
relationship. Often, gregariousness and friendliness is perceived
as flirting - done without intent, of course, yet it may convey the
'wrong message' to a lot of people who don't understand us, or
those who find it difficult to look beyond what they see.
A lot of people find it offensive and disrespectful, especially so
if you are not one who enjoys a little bit of attention every now
and then.
Perhaps some would prefer that their partner not flirt at all. This
is maybe the ideal of most people, but it's not necessarily what
you may have to deal with. Perception is a very funny thing. what
may seem like normal banter to you, will send your partner into
livid palpitations.
The way I see it, however... is that being in a relationship,
whether you're married or otherwise, never means that you belong
to, or own, your partner. Look beyond the surface and try to
understand him/her. One should never require or demand that their
partner change for them... accepting them means taking them as they
are.
People change naturally with the ebb and flow of the relationship
in the process of adapting to it. How does one conjure a change in
personality under duress anyhow? It may make them fearful so much
so that they put up a front for you... but will it make you feel
better having speculations in your inner heart?
Think about it - and look into your partner's personality instead.
People who have a very high self esteem often express themselves
through friendly ways like many people do. Chances are, there is
nothing behind the occassional smile and innuendo... it is highly
probable that the attention simply gives them a flutter of
flattery. some people get off on it. That's the way it goes... and
there's absolutely nothing that we can do about it.
Assuming that you go ballistic, and demand that he stops all his
'nonsense' or better yet - show him how upset you are, give him the
silent treatment and answer with a curt 'nothing!' when he asks
what is it that has gotten you in a tizzy. So the both of you trash
it out, with him promising not to be overly friendly ever
again.
Then you start to wonder... does he do it when he's out with his
buddies? And then you convince yourself that he does. Then you
start dropping subtle remarks, although it is a huge possibility
that you will never get the answer that would put your mind at
ease. Perhaps there isn't even an answer to the questions that
beleaguer you.
I do know, and am too familiar with the fact that when you love
someone, there has to be a measure of possessiveness involved. But
jealousy and possessiveness, are two entirely different things.
Jealousy is often blind to reason - possessiveness just indicates
that you treasure and cherish your partner, and don't ever want to
risk not having them in your life.
Maybe the best way is to have an open and honest discussion with
your partner... explain how his / her behaviour makes you feel, and
try to reach an understanding. I understand that to those who are
by nature jealous or insecure, having a flirtatious partner can be
extremely damaging to your own self esteem. If you do not want to
lose your partner but do not like the flirting, then you need to
make a choice to either learn to accept this side of his or her
personality, or exit the relationship and find someone who will not
arouse any suspicions in you.
Either ways, it's your call.
What's your views?
