I agree with you on all counts, because what you have stated
makes perfect sense. But what I was actually addressing are the
'masks' that we wear on a non personal level. Is it the norm or the
accepted way a man should behave in public? More than that - are
most men succumbing to the societal pressure?
With age, I believe that as cliched as it may be, we do get wiser.
We know what we want, we are aware of our own feelings, and most
importantly - we would have come to a point whereby we are
comfortable being ourselves, faults and all - to project our real
selves to people whom we care about. Most of us, however, without
any distinction to either sex; do maintain a form of 'facade' to
people whom we may not be familiar with - or in places where
adaptability is the name of the game. Facade, as I use it in this
context, does not mean that we are superficial or hypocritical...
rather, it is more of an image that we choose to project - either
to protect ourselves, or to garner more 'trust' and 'affinity' with
people whom we deal with on a less personal level.
Picture this scenario.
Steven, a middle aged man - loves his family, has a great job...
and is the epitome of a perfect husband and father. He discusses
issues with his wife, and would not dream of making any major
decisions without her support. And then we next see Steven in a
club, where he is entertaining his clients in the hope that it'd
grease the way to the million dollar deal just waiting to be
signed. He becomes the total opposite of himself - boorish, loud,
and acting as though he is 'all male'. Or the idea of what a man
(as how the majority of society dictates) should be like , at
least.
Why the need to do so? Will it make him half of a man in the other
men's eyes if he were to be his usual self?
Of course, not all men are like that - I do know and have
encountered some who are truly open and comfortable with who they
really are... but they are very few, and far in between. What I do
notice, however, is that most of these individuals have very high
self esteems. Which is all good!
The downside to this, however, is that they can be quite full of
themselves and impossibly obstinate. Again - I'm making a
generalisation here... but nonetheless, I believe this to be a
trait that most self confident people have a hard time detaching
themselves from. It is too much of an 'Action-Reaction' behaviour.
One's ego is fed by one's abilities and accoplishments. Not
everyone can be as humble as they'd like to be.
---- about the 'hooker' thing - that was just a graphic
exaggeration on my part. Of course I do not mean it as the word is
often used - rather, I am of the belief that sexual fulfillment not
only comes from love between two people, but also in the constant
quest to understand each other's preferences as well as the effort
made to keep the physical part of the relationship alive. It is a
joint effort - and sad to say, most people (both men and women)
tend to just take it as simply part and parcel of the relationship
once the honeymoon period subsides and they enter into that comfort
zone. They aren't too comfortable abouyt vocalising their needs,
likes... or dislikes.
Now - the women. As a woman, even *I* cannot escape the fact that
it is tough to really know a woman inside out. I would have to
readily admit that more often than not, the fairer sex does
bewilder more than is necessary, if at all. I've never understood
the whining bits - I take my hat off to men who can live with it
and still have a smile on their faces whilst placating their
partners who are getting more pouty by the minute fuelled by the
extra attention. Patience? Or Over indulgence? Or simply a shuttup
tactic? Another grouse of mine would be when the curt answer to a
"What's Wrong / What's troubling you?" is a nonchalant "Nothing."
Yet if their expressions are anything to go by, there is more than
just something!
As much as men can be 'insensitive'... perhaps with a little bit of
guidance and hints (if you must) - they would actually become more
aware of their partner's likes and dislikes. It works both ways,
though. Am not talking about a compromise here - I think
compromises just involves both parties having to forgo and 'settle
with' a situation that would most likely keep the peace. Don't be
calculative in a relationship... there is never 'I love you more'
or 'You love me more'. Even if it means having to adapt yourself so
that you can meet halfway, it is worth the effort if the
relationship means a lot to you. There will be other times when
your partner makes the effort for you.
In my ideal world - it's pretty simple. Make the effort to
understand each other. It's a lot tougher than it seems.
Guys - it's OK to fall apart sometimes... we don't expect you to
always bear the weight of the world on your shoulders. And for us
women, trust is the fundamental basic ingredient in the
relationship. Never give a man a reason to lie to you because you
can be unreasonably demanding. Respect his views - and never put
him down in front of others.
And take the time to show each other that you care.
