Men suffer from two forms of loneliness:
Social Loneliness
Emotional Loneliness
Social loneliness is brought on by a lack of social network.
Everyone needs people for "hanging out."
Emotional loneliness is the absence of a close emotional
relationship.
Curing Social Loneliness
Social loneliness is brought on by a lack of social network.
Everyone needs people for "hanging out."
The first step, then, to curing loneliness will be to rebuild or
develop a social network.
Men seek out "buddies" that fulfill their needs for social
contacts--the guys at work, a tennis partner, possibly a drinking
buddy or two.
Men also seek female friends for a social network. Men have told me
women friends are less competitive, more compassionate, and better
listeners than their male buddies.
In addition, it is quite socially acceptable for men to go places
alone so men who do not have a social network can build one quickly
if they choose to do so.
Social loneliness is usually not as prevalent in men as in women
unless a man is dealing with extreme shyness or other unusual
circumstances beyond the scope of one article.
Curing Emotional Loneliness
Emotional loneliness is the absence of a close emotional
relationship. Those superficial buddies that can cure social
loneliness won't touch the emotional variety. That explains why
people can party for weeks and still feel lonely.
Although even one close relationship can cure emotional loneliness
for many, that close relationship is much harder to build than a
social network. And, it seems particularly difficult for men to
build.
Why?
1. Developing a close relationship can be scary. All close
relationships require self-disclosure. That frightens many men
because of the potential rejection factor. Many men fear making a
"fool of themselves" and just drop out of the game rather than risk
it.
2. Just as with a love relationship, any close relationship
requires a certain amount of "chemistry," that click that comes
with finding a kindred spirit. Again, this becomes a "numbers
game." We need to meet a lot of people to find our kindred spirits.
Meeting a lot of people requires a lot of effort. And it does not
happen quickly.
3. Developing a close relationship also requires a non-competitive
atmosphere. Dropping that competitive self is hard-to-impossible
for many men, especially those who have been socialized to be
competitive beings--as most men have been.
4. Developing a close relationship is often stalled by sex too
early in a relationship. Yet many men equate sex with the end of
loneliness and as proof a woman cares. They push for sex before
they have developed the underlying closeness needed to support an
intimate relationship. Sex feels good for those few minutes, then
loneliness returns.
Is loneliness a "woman" thing or a "man" thing?
No. Men and women suffer from loneliness in exactly the same way.
In many cases, women often have a much better friend and family
network for curing emotional loneliness. Men, however, can have a
better network for curing social loneliness with the male "buddy"
system.
