From 'I do' to 'I won't'
By Justin McCurry
Guardian
Tokyo
April 5, 2005
Like many Japanese women, Junko waited until her early 30s to get
married.
When
she and her fiance decided to tie the knot, she set her sights on
starting a
family.
Fifteen years later, Junko and her husband are childless. It is not
that
they
cannot have children; it is just that they have never had
sex.
The sexless marriage is one of several reasons why experts fear
Japan is on
the
verge of a demographic disaster. In 2003 Japan's birthrate hit a
record low
of
1.29 - the average number of times a woman gives birth during her
lifetime -
one of the lowest rates in the world, according to the cabinet
office. The
population will peak next year at about 128 million, then decline
to just
over
100 million by 2050.
The 200 women a year who seek help at a clinic in the Tokyo suburbs
have not
had sex with their husbands in up to 20 years, and some never,
according to
Kim
Myong-gan, who runs the clinic.
"The women who come to see me love their husbands and aren't
looking for a
divorce," he said. "The problem is that their husbands lose
interest in sex
or
don't want sex from the start.
"Many men think of their wives as substitute mothers, not as
women
with emotional and sexual needs."
Mr Kim's short-term solution is unconventional. After an initial
counselling
session, he produces photographs of 45 men, mostly professionals in
their
40s,
with whom the women are invited to go on dates and then arrange
regular
assignations in hotel rooms.
Mr Kim dismissed accusations that his service was little more than
a male
prostitution ring. "The men volunteer and pay half the hotel and
restaurant
bills, so legally there is absolutely nothing wrong with it," he
said.
He had rescued hundreds of women from despair, he said, but his
"sex
volunteers" would do nothing to cure the malaise that afflicts
the
institution
of marriage in Japan.
"Men don't even think it is a problem if they don't have sex with
their
wives,"
Mr Kim said. "They have pornography and the sex industry to take
care of
their
needs, but their wives have nowhere to go. They just suffer in
silence."
The number of married couples is in rapid decline. In 2000, almost
70 per
cent
of men and 54 per cent of women between 25 and 29 were unmarried.
That bodes
ill for the birthrate, as Japanese society frowns upon having
children
outside
marriage.
A survey of 600 women found 26 per cent had not had sex with their
husbands
in
the past year.
"We are sort of room-mates rather than a married couple," one man,
who had
not
had sex with his wife for two years, told the Asahi Shimbun
newspaper.
The Government has introduced several measures to lift the
birthrate.
Fathers
will be encouraged to take more than the 47 per cent of annual paid
leave
they
currently use, and their employers will be told to provide
more
opportunities
for them to stay at home with their children.
Local authorities, meanwhile, are devising novel ways to increase
fertility.
In the town of Yamatsuri, women will receive 1 million yen
($A12,000) if
they
have a third child, and in Ishikawa prefecture families with three
children
will get discounts at shops and restaurants.
The absence of children in so many homes is having an impact. Fun
parks are
closing and there are signs that the "exam hell" teenagers go
through to
secure
places at top schools and universities is less of an ordeal because
the
competition is less fierce.
The divorce rate has nearly doubled in the past 10 years. More
women blame
their sexually inactive husbands for break-ups.
- Guardian
