1. Thanks to SMS, you have an extra large
thumb.
2. Tks 2 SMS, u oso dun no how 2 spel n e mor.
3. You pat MRT and bus seats to cool them before you sit
down.
4. At lunch, you start discussing what to eat for dinner.
5. Your wedding photos include shots of you dressed up like Louis
XIV, Michael Jackson, or Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet in
Titanic.
6. When speaking to foreigners, you somehow feel a need to adopt an
accent. (If youre a DJ, this happens even when youre not speaking
to foreigners.)
7. You wont raise your voice to protest policies, but youll raise
your fists to whack someone over Hello Kitty.
8. Youre forever talking about businesses you want to set up but
will probably never get around to starting.
9. You dont know ¾ of the people attending your wedding.
10. You separate food into 2 basic groups: heaty and
cooling.
11. Youre never completely sure how many times youve sung the
second verse of the National Anthem.
12. You think that what makes you married is not the legal
registration but whether youve thrown a 12 course dinner.
13. You marry for the real estate breaks.
14. You have kids for the tax advantages.
15. You move to where you want your child to go to school.
16. You feel you cant walk around naked in your own flat.
17. You force your children to take Speech & Drama classes, but
pray they wont wind up in Arts later on.
18. You suddenly realize youre very interested in biotech - just
like you suddenly realized three years ago that you were very
interested in e-commerce, and before that, engineering, and before
that, medicine and law.
19. You think being an entrepreneur is setting up a bubble
tea/Portuguese egg tart/gao luck/porridge shop right next to an
existing bubble tea/Portuguese egg tart/gao luck/porridge
shop.
20. You think people are inconsiderate when they dont leave their
table immediately after eating at the food court but think you have
every right to take 25 bites to finish the last red bean in your
ice kachang.
21. You find it impossible to make suggestions without drawing a
fishbone chart first.
22. If youre a guy, whenever you get together with your guy
friends, you invariably trade army stories.
23. If youre a girl, whenever you get together with your girl
friends, you invariably trade stories about how your stupid guy
friends are forever trading army stories.
24. You think the most important sporting event in Singapore this
year was David Beckham switching from Manchester United to Real
Madrid.
25. You somehow feel that food tastes better when eaten by a
longkang.
26. It actually makes a difference to you being called an NSMan
rather than a Reservist.
27. Youve eaten more times at the Esplanade than youve actually
seen shows there.
28. You need campaigns to tell you how to be courteous, to flush
toilets, have sex, etc.
29. When you visit the Zoo, you wonder what the animals taste
like.
30. You feel the urge to add the suffix -polis to everything,
viz. Biopolis, Airtropolis, Fusionopolis, Entrepolis, etc.
31. You always feel oddly hungry at 11 pm, and are willing to drive
to far away places for supper.
32. You meet in hotels a lot.
33. Your children have a rudimentary knowledge of Tagalog or Bahasa
Indonesia.
34. You work at McDonalds when youre old rather than young.
35. Youll gladly spend $50,000 on a car, but will go to great
lengths to save a few bucks on ERP charges or even a few cents on a
parking coupon.
36. Pork floss and mayonnaise on bread is a completely natural
combination to you.
37. If youre pregnant, you have the strange ability to make people
on the MRT fall asleep instantly.
38. You ask for the bill by miming a signing movement.
39. Youve started referring to foreign employees as talent
instead of expatriates.
40. At the dinner table, youre always discussing which other food
places serve better versions of what youre eating.
41. You copy down licence plate numbers of cars involved in
accidents.
42. You think your boyfriend doesnt really love you unless he
gives you part of his liver.
43. During sales, you book hotel rooms near malls to enable you to
shop more efficiently.
44. You pronounce the letter R as ah-rer and the letter H as
haytch.
45. No matter how old you are, you keep associating people with
their secondary schools. (alternative: No matter how old you are,
you secretly need to know what other people got for their PSLE, O
levels and A levels.)
46. Youre always on a quest for the definitive version of your
favourite local dish.
47. When you explain things to people, you keep (a) using
alphabets, and (b) speaking in point form.
48. You believe that you can generate creativity through rules
and committees.
49. You chope a seat by placing a packet of tissues on the
chair.
50. Youre very forthright with your criticisms of the Gahmen,
unless theres a chance they might actually hear you.
51. You diligently track the whereabouts of your favourite hawkers,
i.e..you know that the famous Tiong Bahru Bao is now in Jurong, the
famous Outram Char Kuay Teow is now in Hong Lim Centre and the
famous Lau Hock Kien Hokkien mee from the old Lau Pa Sat is now at
Beach Road.
52. Your mother probably cant speak your mother tongue.
53. Youd rather drink your own pee than pay someone more for
water.
54. You secretly find that the best part of the Speak Good English
Movement is hearing the Singlish bits in their ads.
55. You have an automatic sensor in your head which categorizes
people you meet into stayer/ quitter, cosmopolitan/heartlander,
normal/ express/ gifted, etc.
56. You think were living in a modern, sophisticated country even
when our leaders still insist on wearing their school
uniforms.
57. You wish your constituency is in a walkover, because otherwise
its damn leceh.
58. During elections, you decide that there is no credible
opposition even though you dont know the name of the opposition
candidate in your constituency.
59. You think having a constitution is like the condition you get
when you dont eat enough fibre.
60. You can never quite remember what the core values of
Singaporeans are.
Happy National Day from the folks at
TalkingC.ock.com!
