Adult Jokes in Singlish

fsDouglasLee SG

This joke I heard when young. It sounds better in Singlish. But if you need English translation, let me know. Enjoy.
I have change it from kampong version to modern version.

Got this young chio girl just started work. She’s a bit sum-part.
After first week, her lao bu asked her, “Why you everyday eat MacNonald? Your pay also not high?”
Chio Girl said, “Never mind one. My boss give me treat.”
“Everyday?” her mother eye big big look at her. “Where got boss so good one? And why you everyday wear so short dress to work?”
“Aiya, Ma,” Chio Girl said. “My boss bery nice one. But he old liao. Cannot climb ladder. Everyday also ask me climb ladder take something from top shelf. He some more hold ladder for me. So kind, rite?”
“Aiyo!” her mother exclaimed, eyes open big big, mouth also open big big. “You kanna cheated liao. Your boss is chikopek. Actually, he is peeping at your panties.”
“Isit?” chio girl said. “Wah lau. Why he like that one?”
The next day, chio girl went to work in mini-skirt as usual. When she returned, her mother asked, “Ah Girl, your boss got ask you climb ladder take things again?”
“Got.” Chio girl said.
“Aiyo,” her mother exclaimed, face wrinkled like Ah Meng’s child (ya la, that orant utan lah). “I oredi told you right? Your boss is chikopek. He is peeping at your panties lah.”
“No worries, Ma,” Chio girl said. “Today I didn’t wear panties.”

I-like-flings(m) SG

knn... really old joke leh....but still funny lah...

fsDouglasLee SG

Lol, it’s the way you tell a joke mah.

gunner77 SG

old joke

fsDouglasLee SG

Joke #2: Hairspray

Got one Ah Gong and his grandson, Ah Boy, were in their garden. They rich mah, so they have garden lor.
Ah Boy saw an earthworm crawling halfway into a hole. So Ah Boy, quite brave lor, grab the worm and tried to pull it out.
Ah Gong laughed and said, “Cannot pull out one lah. If you can pull it out, Ah Gong gives your five dollars.”
Ah Boy tried gently because he didn’t want to break the worm into two. But cannot pull out leh.
Then he said, “Ah Gong, I’ve got an idea. You hold it for me first.”
Then Ah Boy ran into the house and returned with a can of hairspray. He sprayed on the worm which became had and stiff, and Ah Boy pulled it out of the hole easily.
Ah Gong’s eyebrows rose in amazement. “Wah! Like this also can. Wait here. I go get the money.”
So Ah Gong took the hairspray from Ah Boy and went back to the house.
Half an hour later, Ah Gong appeared, panting. Old liao mah, so a bit of walking sure panting one lah.
Ah Gong gave the boy two 5 dollar note.
Ah Boy said, “Ah Gong, it’s only 5 dollars, not 10 dollars.”
Ah Gong grinned, “The other 5 dollars is from Grandma.”

fsDouglasLee SG

Joke #3 Camel

These jokes are translated into Singlish.

Got this army Ah Ping Ge sent overseas.
Of course, he didn’t like to go there lah. He prefered here mah. Here can go Geylang anytime.
He looked around his camp. It was in the middle of the desert. Wah Lau eh! Stay here for half a year sure die one.
So he asked his sergeant, “You know, Sergeant. We all are also man. So here, if we cannot tahan, how?”
The sergeant smiled and pointed to some camels outside. “No worry. I understand. If you want, use the camel lor.”
Ah Ping Ge thought, “Wah lau eh. I die die also dun wan to f* a camel.”
But three weeks later, he really cannot tahan laio.
So that night, he chose the smallest camel and f* it.
After that, he went to the Sergeant, “Wah lau eh. F* a camel where got fun? So big. So smelly.”
“Huh?” the Sergeant’s eyes opened big big. “You f* the camel?”
“You said one mah. You said if cannot tahan, use the camel.”
“Yes, we use the camels,” the sergeant said. “We use to camels to take us to the town. There got women mah.”

fsDouglasLee SG

Joke #4 Socking

Got one Chio Bu want to buy socking. I also dunno why people nowsadays also wear socking. Maybe office too cold lor.
But then, this Chio Bu I think want to buy the Manga type.
So she went to this shop at an interchange. Aiya, she cheepbolo mah, dun want to spend so much at departmental store.
She asked the shopkeeper, an Ah Pek, “Uncle, you got sell socking or not?”
Ah Pek glanced at the Chio Bu up and down a few times like a Chikopek. He replied, “Got.”
He took out a few pairs of socks, all different colour one.
Chio Bu said, “No, not this type. I don’t want socks. I want socking.”
Ah Pek checked out Chio But again like a chikopek. He said, “What is socking? Never hear before.”
Chio Bu now getting impatient liao. She said, “Socking is socks until knee one lah.”
Ah Pek said, “Where got people wear socks until nee one?”

~~end~~

smelly footnote- some dialects call breasts neh, some call nee.