something horrific happened to me yesterday night. see, i was
just surfing the net, sitting ever so quietly on my bed, minding my
own business. when suddenly, this HUGE 2-inch flying c0ckroach
crash-landed on a pile of CDs very near to my right, with an
extremely sonorous plop. i thought it was the normal brown beetles
that have always been fond of me, but out of the corner of my eye,
i saw and knew that THAT hideously gross shape (and not to mention
size) was not the usual asshole.
i took a very solid look directly at the offensive intruder, and i
squealed. mind you, i never really squeal at all. but that one woke
my mother up, it did. i leapt up from my bed and away from the foul
creature. to my utter horror, that gross shit flapped it wings and
threatened to home in on me. i squealed again, this time sounding
extremely petrified. i sprinted out of my room and shouted
desperately for reinforcement.
but reinforcement said she has to wake up early in the morning
tomorrow, and asked me to take care of the situation myself. THIS
IS NOT A MERE SITUATION!!!! i yelled at her. this is a 9-11, code
RED emergency! but there was no further response, and i knew help
would not arrive.
i raced to the kitchen to recruit the trusted chemobiological
weapon and stood, camouflaged behind my door post, surveying the
territory for that intruder. i waited, and watched for the tiniest
of movements. i was about to give up and move in closer when that
basterd came scuttling out from under my bed and towards me!!
i went into action immediately, this time more confident of a
confrontation. i am, afterall, armed. when the thing came within a
mere meter from my foot, i aimed and fired the toxic nerve gas. but
it was too fast!! it zoomed back under the bed and when i bent down
to look, it has vanished. i flipped over my mattress, determined
find it. if it's alive, i'll try again, and this time i won't fail.
if it's dead, then i wanna see its carcass.
but alas, that piece of sht was too cunning. it remained hidden no
matter where i looked. but i knew it was still in there somewhere.
a c0ckroach that big cant possibly be killed with an indirect spray
of the bygon.
i decided i couldnt sleep in there that night. not until i see that
creature on its back, legs kicking vigorously in the air. i moved
my blankets and pillow to my brother's room and the extra bed (the
other bro's in camp).
finally, i sprayed under the bed and closed all windows and door,
intending to gas the little conniving b!tch. i just hope that it
doesnt lay any eggs in my room.
ever got those huge flying c0ckroaches in your room? 
