is there any point in friendship?

last SG · 2006-01-10T02:38:45+00:00

o.kay.. i just spent like 30 minutes reading through every single thing... n i am starting to get dizzy. Ur questino about 'Is there any point of friendship?...

NeverSayGoodBye SG

..... Congrats!! for having friends you can trust with your life. But then why are you still so worked up? It shows that you are in self denial. When a person has real friends in their life he/she should feel blessed, joyful and happy. The person's life is enriched. Whenever you think of your real friends it put a smile on your face. If you have so called real friends and they wore you down liked your case, something is wrong somewhere.

I guessed you are trying too hard, so when you didn't get the results you wanted, you felt disappointed, you felt been let down. Change your approve in maintainning your friendships, don't need to contact them so often, let them be themselves, let them handle their own problems. If they need you and still treat you as their true friend they will come looking for you. Don't have to worry too much about them too, get on with your life. Real friends don't need to keep or meet up that often, when you know you have real friends, life is a breeze and should be able to concentrate on your work or study.

To know who your real friends are, try to be assertive and know what your boundaries are. Priroritise those you think that value and appreciate you. Those that kept running away even though you have try very hard, just let them go. Accept and let go of friends who no longer place you as part of their life. Even real friends can turned and became strangers. Sad but true, don't think just because you are reliable and trustful, your friends will do the same. Life is not like that, simple as you may think. Chances are you all share the same friendship but not the same values. Smile Very Happy

ahce911991 SG

you will have to try who is the truest to you. those friends are worth to be friends. those who keeps calling ppl not to friend you or keeps bad mouthing you, they are not your friends le. they are just using you only. know the differnece man. Cool

starblue SG

friendship cannot survive where there is no contact. that has been my firm belief. i dun see how u can still call someone a "friend" when u havent seen him/her (or even smsed) for months. which is a truly sad thing for me, cos my friends seem intent on not keeping in touch if i didnt initiate phonecalls or wadnots. i dunno wad to make of it. i am no longer confident of telling myself that these few true friends that i might believe i have will remain in touch with me years after graduation (and we no longer see each other in school)and we having our own lives to cope with.

will you not contact your true friend outside of school/project/work time? if not just for a cup of coffee or a simple lunch.

i have been deeply depressed over these thoughts but i just brushed them aside for now. i dun think i want to inhabit these grey areas while i still have them by my side. yet, something compels me to "prepare" myself should that (losing them after graduation) happens.

boy in blues SG

i can relate to your sentiments.

but pragmatic people are too preoccupied with their daily dealings and choose to contact only the people they need. such acquintances can only fulfill short-term needs. after which they lose interest in friendship. they don't warrant too much time and maintenance because they're only task motivated anyway.

true friends are long-term investments and should be given top priority in relationship development. they can be confidants in many situations unlike acquintances who must share vested interests before they care.

but why do you regard those mentioned as true friends? which of their qualities convinced you they are true friends?

rainee SG

Like I have said, if you have made effort to keep in touch with them but they never responded for a long time, that means they might have already moved on with their own life. People have different friends from different phases of their life. Some stay with them, some are gone because of circumstances. So don't beat yourself up because of this...just know that if you have made an effort, then that's the best you can do.

NeverSayGoodBye SG

..... Ic ic..you're studying in uni now. As I a had mentioned earlier, don't have to try too hard, just make an effort will do. Most probably your friends took you for granted, because all these times you have been doing the calling, so it has become a habit for them to not to make the initiative. To see wheather they care and value you as a pal, contact them less often. If they realised that suddenly you hardly call them or you do not call them as often as before, real friends will certainly contact and check on you. In this way you will know who is real and who is fake.

I did contact my friends out for a drink or dinner at times. There are some, no matter how many times I called them they always got excuses to turn me down. The worst is they said they will call, but never do, and yes they are my true friends..this is what I thought. Since then I had cut them off . It's nobody's faults, people changed that's all. Move on make new friends that come along your way. Make friends with people who truely want to be your friends, its a two way traffic.

Cherish the time now with your friends, you can't predict the future. Those that treasure you will definately will want to keep your friendship. Don't get so worked up, you can't force them if they don't want to. Enjoy, pamper yourself, buy a CD, learn to play guitar, smell the roses but don't sniff in a bee (I had warned you)... Very Happy Laughing

starblue SG

they have been my friends for many years now. they stuck around when other have long given up on the quest to get into my heart. they earned that special place in my heart because they have always been there, sort of.

i am a very difficult to get to gal, i admit that. many have stopped at once when they merely encounter my icy top layer. i dun blame them cos no one likes to touch ice. but there are these 6 people who didnt stop there. i knew them at different points in my life. 3 of them have been with me for 7 years. the other 4 for 3, 4 years. but most have..... drifted away.

now i only see one gal regularly cos we take classes together. she is most dear to me i know her family, and they know me. she knows my family and they know her too. she visited me when i was down with chicken pox. i helped look after her sisters in her house when she had to go out. a terribly good friend. but i fear the day we graduate will be the day we see less of each other. then i will truly be left with no one else.

i dunno.. i'm just despondent i guess. too disappointed to want to make anymore close friends. too in despair to want to let myself allow someone in my heart again. although there is this one new gal friend.... but i dunno... wad is the point of making another close friend just to have them drift away again?

i am utterly disappointed.

rainee SG

I used to think like this oso...but then I thought to myself...people come and go in life, those who are destined to be with you will be, those who are not will drift away. It doesn't stop me from making frens tho, because at least even when they are no longer with me, I will have memories of them to cherish later in life Wink

NeverSayGoodBye SG

..... it hurts real bad losing your trusted friends. Perhaps you may stop for a moment and reflects what might have gone wrong. Is it something you had said? Are you been too pushy? your behaviours or they got tired of your icy facade? What lost you cannot get it back. Keep the happy memories, learn from the positive sides of the experience. Since they are not making an effort, there is nothing you can do. You alone cannot make a friendship works. Reconcile with yourself and reality. Calm down your thoughts and move on. There are lots of nice people out there waiting to be your friends. Don't lose hope, just keep on going and going and going......

Meanwhile take consolation that you still have a real friend around. Do what you suppose to do as a real friend, you seem to know what a quality friend consist of liow. Don't need to try too hard, you will appeared too pushy, thats make people very uncomfortable. If she treat you as a true friend, she will definitely make an effort. Remember also, she got her own sets of pals too, respect her territory and feeling.

Whats gone is gone liow, sulking won't reward you with friends, but will add a few more lines on your face. It's time to look forward not backward and don't worry about the future. Live for the moment, there are so many good things out there for you to discover Smile Very Happy

Devil1976 SG

Go easy on life and life would be easy on you... BGR love or friendship love... There're common things within... The TIGHTER you GRAB ON to them, DEFINES and DEMAND from them... The FASTER they BURST APART...

pie SG

People will come and go in your life, usually because your goals or interests have changed. I’ve had several good friends too whom I have lost contact with already. What’s important is not really whether you remained best friends forever but that everyone had good times together and to keep those memories close.

rainee SG

I moved to another room my ex-roomie already never asked me to go out with her or anything...last time used to always asked me one.

Goes to say that nothing stays the same forever.

starblue SG

sigh…. nothing stays the same forever… i resent this fact.. sometimes this alone discourages me from making new friendships, or even, to go beyond one-way admiration for any guy…. sigh….

rainee SG

have you heard of this saying?

Change is the only constant.

Ironic, but that's life Wink

NeverSayGoodBye SG

..... don't dwell on your lost friendships for too long. Beware of losing your self esteem and go into depression. Pick yourself up, have faith that your new friendships will be better and more fulfilling than the previous one.

Treat friendship as watching a movie, you enjoy the show very much and do not wish it to end. Eventually it does, but in your mind you know that there are better one coming up soon.

If you feel discourage of what you don't have, then it is a waste of what you have. Be glad that you have your health, family, education and goals in life.
Don't need to wait until you have a boyfriend then you start to be happy. Find happiness within yourself first, when you are happy and full of life, guys will admire you from afar. So the best day to be happy and enjoy life is NOW!! Very Happy

starblue SG

yeah... you're right... i guess things will somehow work themselves out in the end, whether it is a renewed friendship or a necessary end. i shall not let myself be too......bothered by the inconsistencies in life...

boy in blues SG

its ok to feel shortchanged when you've given your all to maintain a relationship and the other party fails to measure up. most people are pragmatic and won't appreciate your efforts, the good news is that when you chance upon someone like you (which won't happen often, by the way), you'll both stand right out from the common horde and clique together. trust building takes time, and going through thick and thin together assures each other of the endurance of the relationship and benefits of investing in it long-term.

as for that friend of yours, you can develop closer friendship with her by means of common interests like say, attend same church. it gives added motivation to meet every sunday.

maybe you should consider go NIE teaching career. high starting pay, job stability, special rates for home tuition for considerable side income are pragmatic incentives to enroll NIE.

your job performance is gauged more from students' appraisal of you rather than HOD's and also the value-addedness of your teaching service. so you can be assured of impartial judgement unless you antagonize whole class of students.

main thing is there's no conflict of interests between you and students, unlike among colleagues where people steal credit and back-stab one another to make themselves look good while others look bad

DriftingGuy SG

In this world, nothing is permanent. Even true friends will sometimes drift apart although unlikely. And if they do, its just life.

Part of the process of life is to meet new people, make new friends, open up new horizons Wink And who knows, the new friends you meet may turn out to be true friends after all.

Anyway, uni for me is also a changing phase. I had friends who were nice during the first year. But as time goes by, we became very busy and slowly drifted apart.

Its not that we didn't make an effort to keep in contact, but sometimes circumstances play a part, and its part of life, so we moved on.

Isis SG

Yes there is a point in friendships when you had a very close bonding with the friends but most of the time, it hard to find them especially at our age ( i assume u are aroudn 20+) but there does not mean there isn't.

Sometime it is just not fated to be friends/close friends forever. Even if there are really such things as friends forever, it's rare few especially when we have became adults. Sometime, it can take an instant moment to find someone who you can click with instantly but the next moment, no chemistry. Human relationships can have complicated issue. Partly, everyone changes at certain phrase in life.

I also felt dejected once about friends but i realise after there, i don't grasp at relationships or has a high or false expectation about it. I think i can let go of a break up easily.

Sometime, im so busy that i don't have the time to meet up or nuture the friendships but i do sms them once in a blue moon and so are them. It also take effort to maintain friends and whether the other party will make there effort so.

Isis SG

haha me too...

scared the pain of losing someone but can u bear the pain of loneliness?

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