Joke of the day !!!

subarugal SG

10 Husbands, Still a Virgin
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

stellazio SG

Haha 7/10 for humour..

browniebaobao SG

Never argue with kids.

> >> > A little girl was talking to her teacher about
> >> > whales.
> >> > The teacher said it was physically impossible for a
> >> > whale to swallow a human because even though it was
> >> > a very large mammal its throat was very small.
> >> > The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a
> >> > whale.
> >> > Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could
> >> > not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
> >> > The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will
> >> > ask Jonah".
> >> > The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
> >> > The little girl replied," Then you ask him".
> >> > __________________________________________
> >> >
> >> > The children had all been photographed, and the
> >> > teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a
> >> > copy of the group picture. "Just think how nice it
> >> > will
> >> > be to look at it when you are all grown up and
> >> > say,' There's Jennifer; she's a lawyer,' or 'that's
> >> > Michael. He's a doctor.'"
> >> > A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And
> >> > there's the teacher. She's dead."
> >> > __________________________________________
> >> > A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of
> >> > the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she
> >> > said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood,
> >> > as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red
> >> > in the face."
> >> > "Yes," the class said.
> >> > "Then why is it that while I am standing upright in
> >> > the ordinary positions the blood doesn't run into my
> >> > feet?"
> >> > A little fellow shouted, "Because your feet aren't
> >> > empty."
> >> > __________________________________________
> >> >
> >> > The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a
> >> > Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of
> >> > the table was a large pile of apples.
> >> > The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
> >> > "Take only ONE. God is watching."
> >> > Moving further along the lunch line, at the other
> >> > end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip
> >> > cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all You
> >> > want. God is watching the apples!"

KittynMeow SG

muahaha this is FARNEE....

mistyblue SG

A man escapes from a prison where he's been locked up for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair.

While tying the homeowner's wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband whispers over to his wife:
"Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He's probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain...do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!"

His wife responds:
"He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he's gay, thinks you're cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too."

subarugal SG

This is damn it.. funny man.. wahaha,.... Laughing

subarugal SG

Some Caffeine Jokes and Prank

usually During a tea break, all of the kakis will meet up in the pantry for our caffeine session.

Today is a bit different cause we had just make a good result for our bided project, the Project Manager want to give all of us a treat in our caffeine.

One of the guys volunteered to take down the order for ordering for Coffeebean.
There are abt 6 pax , 2 of us take latte. The rest took espresso single or dbl.
And there are 2 hokkien uncle wasnt sure what to order. So they follow suit on espresso.

When the order came back, everyone took our drink and walk away.
But suddenly there come the commotions from the pantry, me and one of my senior made our way to pantry.

The 1st uncle was complaining, dnt know who so bad drink my coffee, left only 1/10 in the paper cup for me (But 1st uncle actually order espresso, which mean will not have the big big cup of latte or coffee in the cup)
All of us had a roar of laughters and explained to him, his face turn red when he knew that. Haa

2nd joke / pranks

2nd Hokkien uncle came back from workshop heading toward pantry for his espresso.
And commotion 2 came along.
2nd uncle said humph, the coffee so little and thick why huh ?
hee.. out of mischief we crack a small prank saying
oh, the espresso is very concentrated need to add some hot water to make it less diluted if u like it.
He actually do so..
Which all the guys in the pantry giggled and laugh our way to cubicle in office.. and both the uncles curse and swear plus laughing at themselves
haa