Marriage - Part I
Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after
the
wedding, he laid down the following rules:
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and
I
don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be
on
table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll
go
hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my
old
buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are
my
rules. Any comments?"
His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand
that
there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night .........
whether
you're here or not."
(DAMM SHE'S GOOD!)
Marriage (Part II)
Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th
wedding
anniversary!
The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
that
reads:
"Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever "
"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
that
reads: "Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last"
(HE ASKED FOR IT!)
Marriage (Part III)
Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the
breakfast
table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in
bed
either," and storms out of the house. After sometime, he realizes
he
was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes
to
the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, "what
took
you so long to answer the phone?"
She says, "I was in bed."
"In bed this early, doing what?"
"Getting a second opinion!"
(YEP, HE HAD THAT ONE COMING, TOO!)
Marriage (Part IV)
A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is
so
proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of Six"
in
spite of her objections.
One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to
go
home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.
He
shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of
Six?'
His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts
right
back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."
(RIGHT ON, LADY!)
Marriage (Part V) The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were
giving
each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that
the
next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an
early
morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break
the
silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me
at
5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man awoke, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and
he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why
his
wife hadn't awakened him when he noticed a piece of paper by the
bed.
The message on the paper read, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
God may have created man before woman, but there is always a
rough
draft before the masterpiece.
SEND THIS TO SMART WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH AND TO MEN , YOU THINK
CAN HANDLE IT. 
