The British
are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats in
Islamabad and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to
"Peeved." Soon though, security levels may be raised yet again to
"Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross". Brits have not been "A Bit
Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out.
Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody
Nuisance". The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance"
warning level was during the great fire of 1666.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its
terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels
in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender". The rise was
precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag
factory, effectively paralysing the country's military
capability.
It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert.
Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and
excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing". Two more levels
remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides".
The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful
Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also
have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the
only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of
Brussels .
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to
deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the
new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish
navy.
Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all of
their allies, just in case.
Further afield, New Zealand has also raised its security levels -
from "baaa" to "BAAAA!". Due to continuing defence cutbacks (the
air force being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aero
planes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath),
New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is "Shut,
I hope Austrulia will come end riscue us".
Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No
worries" to "She'll be right, mate". Two more escalation levels
remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the
barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled". There has not
been a situation yet that has warranted the use of the
final escalation level.
Singapore meanwhile has raised it from Ni Na Be to Ka Ni Na
Ma.