A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful blonde woman
wave at him and say hello.
He's rather taken back, because he can't place where he knows her
from. So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think
your the father of one of my kids."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been
unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from
my bachelor party that I laid on the pool table with all my buddies
watching, while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery and
then stuck a carrot up my arse???"
She looks into his eyes and calmly says, "No, I'm your son's maths
teacher."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Two elderly residents were sitting alone in the lobby of their
nursing home one evening.
The old man looked over and said to the old lady, "I know just what
youre wanting; for $5 Ill have sex with you right over there in
that rocking chair."
The old lady looked surprised but didnt say a word.
The old man continued, "For $10 Ill do it with you on that nice
soft sofa over there, but for $20 Ill take you back to my room,
light some candles, and give you the most romantic evening youve
ever had in your life."
The old lady still says nothing, but after a couple moments starts
digging down in her purse. She pulls out a wrinkled $20 bill and
holds it up.
"So you want the nice romantic evening in my room," says the old
man with a satisfied smirk.
"Get serious," she finally says, rolling her eyes. "I want four
times in the rocking chair."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A boss walked into the office one morning not knowing that his
zipper was down, and his fly wide open.
His secretary walked up to him and said, "Boss this morning when
you left your house, did you close your garage door?"
This was not a phrase that her boss understood, so he went into his
office looking a bit puzzled.
When he was about done with his paper work, he suddenly noticed
that his zipper was not zipped up. He zipped up and remembering
what his secretary had told him, finally understood.
He then intentionally went out to ask for a cup of coffee from his
secretary.
When he reached her desk, he said, "When you saw the garage door
open did you see my Jaguar parked in there?"
The secretary smiled for a moment and said, "No, Boss, I didn't.
All I saw was a Mini with 2 flat tyres."
