Before the trip to Guangzhou, I went to the supermarket to do
some shopping on the daily necessities. It was the eve of the
Mid-Autumn Festival, the supermarket was filled with a joyous
crowd. I suddenly felt a wall between the crowd and myself. All the
joy and laughter had no relation to me ever since the day of her
diagnosis.
I bought the items in the shopping list that was given to me by
her. When I checked out at the cashier, I felt the weight of all
the groceries. For all these years, all these grocery shopping had
been done by her, alone. I had no idea how much a kilogram of rice
costs, the price of a bottle of cooking oil. I never knew that it
was so tiring to carry all these items from the supermarket to our
home. I had always thought that I was the pillar of the house, only
when she suddenly fell ill did I know that she was the backbone of
the house.
When in Guangzhou, we spent the closest moments together since our
marriage. In the three months, we were always beside each other, we
laughed together, cried together. I couldnt remember when was the
last time we had such heart-to-heart talk, we felt so close. In the
first month of treatment, her condition seemed to improve. We could
even take occasional walks in the garden, with me holding on to her
arm. We were remising the day we first met at the entrance of the
Peoples Park, our first show at the Victory Theater was an Italian
movie titled The Last Emotion. She even remembered that it
starred Sophie Roland. She told me that when I dated her for the
movie, she had, in fact, watched the movie with her classmate. But
she couldnt bring herself to reject my offer, and that is why she
watched the movie a second time with me. The last time that we
remise of this moment was during our honeymoon. Talking about it
now, its really sad, after all these years of marriage, we have
never talked so much.
In that 3 months, I saw her thin and pallid, slowly withering
the
special treatment failed to take effect on her. The day came when
she cant even finish a bowl of porridge. In the end, she told me
:I want to go home. With that, we went back home,
despaired.
When home, her condition turn from bad to worse. Moreover, the
symptomic pains dreaded by all cancer patients crept in. She
couldnt sleep the whole night, turning and moaning in pain. Even
morphine fails to ease the agony. How I wish that I could suffer
the pain on her behalf. Its just too much pain to be borne
alone.
When she felt better, she would brief me of the household chores.
Now did I realize the trivial details of household chores, the busy
schedule she has all these while when she is at home. She even told
me where to get my favorite rice hoof, which brand of undershirt I
wear, and where to get them. Three days before her demise, she even
taught me how to operate the washing machine. We bought this
washing machine together, but all these years, she has been the
only one operating it.(The author cant help but wept
uncontrollably typing this).
Days before she left, she told me that she is glad that she married
me and has never regretted doing so. The 3 months that we spent in
Guangzhou was the happiest moments she had in her life. That 3
months is also my most treasured moments in my life. Even though
because of this 3 months, I had lost my chance of promotion, lost a
lot in material terms. But compared to the company that I shared
with her, all these pales as worldly possessions. And luckily for
the 3 months, else I would have lived in unrest conscience for the
rest of my life.
She died a peaceful death, on that day, I told my son that mummy
had gone to another place to wait for us. In future, we will all
meet again in that same place, and all will still be the same, she
will still be his mummy, I will still be his daddy, and he will
still be our beloved son.
Now, I dread to see a happy family in trio. Every time I pass by
the Peoples Park, the place where Victory Theater was originally,
the supermarket that we had been together, I just couldnt help but
weep. Whenever I use the washing machine, operate the microwave
oven, changing the seasonal clothes for our son, coming home late
from work, cooking instant noodles for myself, waking up in the
middle of the night to find myself a lone on the big bed, I feel
like crying. When she was around, I had never felt specially
blessed, she was just the woman I married, the mother of my child.
But now that she is gone, the world seemed to crumple.
Before, when I watched shows about men who had lost their partners
cried uncontrollably, I felt that it was to stir up feeling of the
audience. But now, I cry with them. That day, I saw a blood
donation drive going on the road, it reminded me of her again.
There was once a departmental blood donation drive that needed my
blood. On hearing that, she told me seriously : Can I take your
place? I need not work anyways, so I can rest at home? But I
laughed her off saying: You crazy? I would be a laughing stock if
others found out! After my donation, she even cooked for me pork
liver spinach soup and red bean lotus porridge. And I remember her
telling our son :Papa works hard to make money for the family, so
papa is the most important person. In fact, she is the most
important person, without her, my son and I have lost the most
important thing in the whole wide world-happiness.
I bought a resting place for her in the hills. I was grief struck
when I used the red paint to write Beloved wife on the tombstone.
I am not a man who is good in expressing my feelings. Throughout
our courtship, I did not even say the word LOVE to her. I used to
laugh at her for reading the QiongYao novels, or crying over those
love scene in the movies, but now, I could only transcript the word
LOVE on her tombstone. My beloved wife, if she could relive
again, I am willing to say I love you time and time again. These
three words that all ladies in the world would love to hear
repeatedly from their beloved man. Why? Why didnt I say it enough
to her when she needed me to say it? When she was healthy?
I just want to tell all the healthy and happy living husbands, love
and treasure your wife, spent more time with her, do not be blind
to all that your wife has done for you. A lot of times, we only
know how to treasure things after losing them.
Your wife is the person who love you most in your life, the one
that understand you most, the woman who will give up everything for
you. Most of all, no other man-woman relationship can be compared
to husband-wife relationship.
Bottom line of the story is Always cherish and treasure your loved
one where there are still around..... dont take them for granted
......
