Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. This is your captain (Mr chin
chye lai) welcoming you on board..... I apologise if I cannot see
you...can see nothing from my c0ckpit anyway, lights not
working....
We apologise for the delay in taking off, some minor problem, just
replaced the engine, new engine cannibalised from the aircraft that
decided to take a swim in the south china sea...
This is flight 126 from Senaisini to New Delhi. Landing in Delhi is
not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in the region. And if
luck is on our side, we may even be landing on your village!
Standards are such that even the terrorists are afraid to fly with
us!
It is with pleasure that I announce that starting this year over 50
of our passengers have reached their destination. For the ones that
don't quite make it, our staff have all the requisite experience
for consoling the next-of-kin. Our stewardess, Anjali, will be
happy to brief you on our out-of-court settlement policies.
If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can
arrange to turn them off. To make your free fall to earth pleasant
and memorable, we serve complimentary samosas and lassi. For our
not- so-religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help
you find out if there really is a God.
We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie "Hands off my
chutney" will not be shown, as we forgot to record it from the
television. But for our movie buffs, we will be flying alongside
Singapore Airlines, where their movie will be visible from the
right side of the cabin window.
We regret to advise that smoking is prohibited on this flight. Any
smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the
engines telling us to slow down. Life jackets are positioned under
your seats and free bathing costumes are made available to the
Aunties and swimming shorts to the Uncles.......it is likely that
you will need them later.
Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take
off and fasten your belt. For those of you who can't find a seat
belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. For
those of you who don't have a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch
with our stewardess, Anjali, who will explain how to fasten
yourself to your suitcase, otherwise suka lu lah....
If I don't see you again, enjoy your flight with Air chin
chye.
Thank you!
