The Oxford Dictionary's latest definition of the following
words.
Divorce : Future tense of marriage.
Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end
& a
fool on the other.
Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of
the
Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the
minds of
either.
Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number
present.
Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens
and
everybody disagrees later on.
Committee : Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit
to
decide that nothing can be done together.
Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home
life.
Yawn : The only time some people ever get to open their
mouth.
Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that
everybody
believes he got the biggest piece.
Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.
Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than
you
actually do.
Experience : The name people give to their mistakes.
Opportunist : A person who starts taking a bath if he accidentally
falls
into a river.
Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
Father : A banker provided by nature.
Criminal : A guy no different from the rest....except that he
got
caught.
Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you
are
early.
Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and
your
confidence
after.
Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with
his
bills.