To My Dearest Wife,
During the past year, I have attempted to make love to you 365
times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of only once
every 10 days. The following is a list of why I didn't succeed more
often:
-We will wake the kids - 54 times
-It's too late - 15 times
-I'm too tired - 42 times
-It's too early - 12 times
-It's too hot - 18 times
-Pretending to be asleep - 31 times
-The neighbors will hear - 9 times
-Headache or backache - 26 times
-Sunburn - 10 times
-Your mother will hear us - 9 times
-Not in the mood - 21 times
-Watching the late show - 17 times
-Too sore - 26 times
-New hairdo - 6 times
-Wrong time of the month - 14 times
-You had to go to the bathroom - 19 times
Of the 36 times that I DID succeed, the result was not always
satisfying because 6 times you just laid there, 8 times you
reminded me that there was a crack in the ceiling, 4 times you told
me to hurry up and get it over with, 7 times I had to wake you up
to tell you I was finished, and once I was afraid that I had hurt
you because you started thrashing around and breathing heavy. Let's
try to improve this, shall we??
Love, Your Hubby