i lost my direction again. it feels so meaningless to go
to work everyday. the place is depressing. or rather, i
feel so depressed every time i am at that place.
meaning... the more i search for it, the further i get
away from it. as such i have "given up" the search for
meaning, for fulfilment, for passion, for right livelihood, if ever
there is one.
i was a strong believer in passion. nowadays, i work for
money. time is burnt away doing meaningless work. i
work out of guilt ... for my parents. out of fear, inherited
from my parents.