Jesus Holds a Town Hall Meeting

NEWater SG

Jesus had a little sit-down with his disciples. It was story time.

"When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his throne in heavenly glory. All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left."

"Hah! Good place for the goats, on the left!" said Judas. The other disciples told him to shut up.

"Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me."

Judas nudged the disciple next to him. "Right, like a king would ever be hungry, sick or naked. They have PEOPLE to do that FOR them." The disciple ignored him as Jesus continued.

"Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?' The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'"

Judas stood up and raised his hand. "Whoa there, Jesus. Hold on a second. Who's supposed to PAY for all this food and drink and clothing and medicine? US?"

The other disciples tugged at Judas' robe and told him to sit down. "OK, maybe he'll get to that later," Judas said. "I mean, this GUY and his STORIES!"

Jesus continued.

"Then he will say to those on his left, 'Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.'"

"Swell, here it comes," Judas muttered. "The old liberal guilt trip..."

"They also will answer, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?' He will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.' Then they will go away to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life."

Judas jumped to his feet. "What a bunch of socialist CRAP! You want US to give OUR money, OUR food, OUR clothes to these SLACKERS? You want US to pay for HEALTH CARE for people who are obviously too LAZY to get a job like GROWNUPS and pay for their OWN health care?"

The other disciples tried to shush him, but Judas continued.

"I mean, JESUS! Do you realize how HARD we have to work for every shekel and drachma?" He pulled a 20-shekel note from his pocket and waved it at Jesus. "Here, Jesus! You wanna come steal my hard earned money? COME TAKE IT! If these "brothers" of yours -- wink, wink -- had an ounce of GUMPTION or WORK ethic, they'd HAVE their own food, their own drink, their own clothes, their own health care, and they for DAMN sure wouldn't be in PRISON in the FIRST place..."

Jesus held up his hand to silence the uproar and repeated.

"I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.'"

"Socialist, Communist, Fascist bullshit," Judas said. "You keep preaching that kind of stuff and watch what happens. Now if you don't mind, there are some folks I gotta see about a job that will pay 30 pieces of silver -- in ACTUAL MONEY that I will EARN! Later, 'Comrades.'"

Judas stalked away towards the high priest's residence.

Jesus wept.

Stevenson101 SG

Hah, this would be funny if it weren't so tragically accurate.

But i think this would be better in the Jokes forum?

Miracles&Prophecies SG

The original poster must have been feeling miserable.

Any man who mock Chist never feel good about themselves. It's a public secret

Thank you for the confession.

Stevenson101 SG

The original poster must have been feeling miserable.

Any man who mock Chist never feel good about themselves. It's a public secret

Thank you for the confession.

This from the guy who needs to believe in a man dead 2000 years in order to feel good about himself?

NEWater SG

The original poster must have been feeling miserable.

Any man who mock Chist never feel good about themselves. It's a public secret

Thank you for the confession.

"Of all the tyrannies that afflict mankind, tyranny in religion is the worst. ... but this attempts a stride beyond the grave and seeks to pursue us into eternity."

Thomas Paine, Founding Father of the United States. ;)

Herzog_Zwei SG

The original poster must have been feeling miserable.

Any man who mock Chist never feel good about themselves. It's a public secret

Thank you for the confession.

Too bad, you just realised that 99% of the human race are atheist by nature.

Atobe SG

"Of all the tyrannies that afflict mankind, tyranny in religion is the worst. ... but this attempts a stride beyond the grave and seeks to pursue us into eternity."

Thomas Paine, Founding Father of the United States. ;)

Thomas Paine said it very well, except that the parody in the thread is not religious in any form nor to mock the religious figure.

It was an attack on the conscience of the entrenched Right Wing in the politics of the USA in the current heated and confused debate on the changes proposed for their broken Health Care system.

This parody was made in reaction to the racist and illogical outburst of the Right Wing to the Health Care changes that were proposed by Obama, when the Right Wing had ignored all the sensibilities of the proposed changes but prefer to indulge in fear mongering and distortion that fired up the worst fears simply to protect the status quo for some hidden interests and agendas.

NEWater SG

Thomas Paine said it very well, except that the parody in the thread is not religious in any form nor to mock the religious figure.

It was an attack on the conscience of the entrenched Right Wing in the politics of the USA in the current heated and confused debate on the changes proposed for their broken Health Care system.

Of course, I know that. I was merely responding to the poor fella, Miracles&Prophecies, who's so mired in his delusion that he needed to be referred to a credible philosopher.

Atobe SG

Of course, I know that. I was merely responding to the poor fella, Miracles&Prophecies, who's so mired in his delusion that he needed to be referred to a credible philosopher.

Yes, the subtlety of your thread was quite clear if one is able to digest the contents with a pinch of reality.

Sadly, Thomas Paine is also correct with regards to the "tyranny of religion" - more so over those who are superstitious, uneducated, and the feeble minded.

With so many uneducated and feeble minds in this world, is it any wonder that there are so many superstitious or feeble minded people around ?

With so many religious fanatics from different faiths - willing to endure pain, and even sacrifice themselves for their faith - can 99% of the human race be aetheist - and by nature?

angel7030 SG

Yes, the subtlety of your thread was quite clear if one is able to digest the contents with a pinch of reality.

Sadly, Thomas Paine is also correct with regards to the "tyranny of religion" - more so over those who are superstitious, uneducated, and the feeble minded.

With so many uneducated and feeble minds in this world, is it any wonder that there are so many superstitious or feeble minded people around ?

With so many religious fanatics from different faiths - willing to endure pain, and even sacrifice themselves for their faith - can 99% of the human race be aetheist - and by nature?

Uncle,

Cannot, because human are bound by belonging, aetheist by itself is a religion whereby one think he belongs to it. For centuries, religious had controlled peoples with velvet gloves covering those sinful hands. Many had lost their lives just because of their believing. As we are bound to belonging, some people took advantage of it and become great man and woman out of nothing. The Communist outcasted religions altogether because they understand the impact of it, and at the end, Communist become their religion, they worshipped their leaders and that prove that humans cannot be alone, they need belonging and someone to pull by their nose.

Your Humble gal

Angel

Miracles&Prophecies SG

Of course, I know that. I was merely responding to the poor fella, Miracles&Prophecies, who's so mired in his delusion that he needed to be referred to a credible philosopher.

That man holds no weight for me. Too bad.

And you may have misinterpreted him.

And it's you poor fellow who are delusional.

But don't give a precious stone to pigs as they will trample all over it.

Just carry on your ways besides we only got a lifetime. Have fun, enjoy life don't waste time mocking figures that you know nothing of. Death catch us all and it never miss. Don't pretend you know everything when in fact you know nothing. Count your days and use them as best as you could. You that doesn't even know for sure what you're going to have on your plate tomorrow or know how many string of hair on your head at the moment can't possibly knows the truth on life.

Nobody knows and seen everything. Reality is merely our perception of the immediate world which surround us. How can you be so sure of your conviction of the truth? Or do you claim to have seen beyond life? Or are you living your conviction simply by making assumptions?

Shotgun SG

Thomas Paine said it very well, except that the parody in the thread is not religious in any form nor to mock the religious figure.

It was an attack on the conscience of the entrenched Right Wing in the politics of the USA in the current heated and confused debate on the changes proposed for their broken Health Care system.

Yeap, unfortunately, some people are just too fixated on the "religious" side of things to not see what the real context of the article was about.

Still, its also an offensive on the conservative right Christians. Using passages from the Bible contextualized in the political situation. It's pretty slick yes.

jayh272416 SG

Bus&Soccer l0v3r (VO3x 1) SG

Master -_- SG

this has to be the chimmest joke i ever read in my life

Jianye SG

LOL !!!!! LOL!!!!

This is the best joke ever!!!! (This joke is making a dig at Obama's health care reform, the hefty donations to Christanity)

What angel7030 said is true but i disagree that atheist is a religion..

You believe in your own ability to surmount any difficulties and not WHINE to solve your problems. You rely on yourself and not lean on something that does not exist....

Shao Wei SG

ar~ again.

no point agruing. no one ever wins. but only the devil.