NATIONAL FLOWER: Bunga Raya (Hibiscus).
NATIONAL CAR: Proton. 2nd NATIONAL CAR: Perodua Kancil. 3rd
NATIONAL CAR: Perodua Tikus it's suppose to be half the size of
the
Kancil, but somehow Malaysian drivers will still be able to squeeze
in 6 or 7 passengers.
NATIONAL BEHAVIOUR AT CAR SHOWROOMS: First walk towards the car you
are interested in. Then walk around the car in circles, tapping and
knocking every part of the chassis with your knuckles. Then say
something like "Body not very solid..." After that approach the
front left tyre, give it a few hard kicks to "test" the tyre. Next
walk to the rear right side and press the body of the car down a
few times, while exclaiming "wah, absorber not bad". Now you are
ready for a "test drive" Get into the car and give the steering
wheel a few turns. Flash the lights, sound the horn, recline the
seats, open up every compartment etc. Do all these tests while
you're pretending to read the brochure. Finished? Final test: get
out of the car and slam the door a few times to check for "solid
sound". If satisfied, approach salesman and ask "How much loan can
take?"
NATIONAL RICE COOKER: National Rice Cooker. 99% of Malaysian
households use a National Rice Cooker, the other 1% don't eat
rice.
NATIONAL DOG NAME: Lucky or Poppy. Every self respecting mongrel
in
Malaysia who has an owner will invariably be call Poppy or
Lucky.
NATIONAL BREAKFAST (ON THE WAY TO WORK): Nasi Lemak. Who cooks and
eats nasi lemak at home for breakfast?
NATIONAL BREAKFAST (AT HOME): Maggi Mee. Also the national lunch
and dinner if you're an outstation student, bachelor, neglected
husband, lazy fella, etc.
NATIONAL EXCUSE FOR HAIR LOSS: Maggi Mee.
NATIONAL EXCUSE FOR BEING LATE: Traffic Jam.
NATIONAL CONDOM: None. Most Malaysians still feel embarrassed
buying condoms. So they rushed in to a Seven Eleven, hurriedly grab
the nearest pack, any pack, pay and leave before the cashier can
even blink an eye. If it's not available, Malaysians optimistically
apply the other birth control method. (See below)
NATIONAL FRUIT FOR INDUCING MENSTRUATION: Pineapple.
NATIONAL APHRODISIAC DRINK: Stout. Many swear by it. But after a
few pints they start swearing at everything...
NATIONAL FAKE ILLNESS FOR GETTING MC (MEN): Food Poisoning.
NATIONAL FAKE ILLNESS FOR GETTING MC (WOMEN): Menstrual Pain.
NATIONAL EXCUSES GIVEN BY WOMEN WHEN REFUSING SEX: Headache, kids
not asleep, maid not asleep, mother-in-law around, early
appointment, food not digested yet, air cond not cold enough, air
cond too cold, nail polish not dry yet, forgot to take the pill,
sleepy, stomach cramps, menstruation, haven't remove makeup,
haven't shower, no water supply, going to watch
"Santa Barbara", depress, no mood, etc
NATIONAL EXCUSES GIVEN BY MEN WHEN REFUSING SEX: None.
NATIONAL SECRET SEXUAL DESIRE OF MALAYSIAN MEN: Transvestites Every
heterosexual male Malaysian seem to have a secret desire for a
"bapok". On a Saturday night, they flocked to all those places
where the transvestites hang out. They ogle at them, tease them,
pay for their "services", etc.
They never fail to honk in excitement when they see one on the
road. And the Saturday night outings to these places are always in
a group of three or four male friends. It's a kind of Malaysian
male bonding. Yes. Male bonding by seeking out men dressed up as
women. It's no wonder that drag shows such as "Paper Dolls" are
ever so popular in Malaysia.
NATIONAL CURE FOR HEADACHES: Panadol the "cure all" for Malaysians.
If it fails we have another secret weapon; Tiger Balm.
NATIONAL CURE FOR DIZZINESS: Minyak Angin Cap Kapak
NATIONAL CAUSE OF DIZZINESS (FOR YUPPIES): Happy Hours
NATIONAL INSTANT CURE FOR DIZZINESS (FOR YUPPIES): The sight of a
police road block.
NATIONAL CURE FOR DIARRHEA: Pil 'Chi Kit' Teck Aun The miracle
cure! It works. Ten minutes and you're "dried" up. Always pack some
of this stuff when you're travelling.
NATIONAL CAUSE OF CONSTIPATION: Pil 'Chi Kit' Teck Aun The pills
are so tiny it's easy to swallow an extra mouthful and overdose on
it. No one can help you here.
NATIONAL CURE FOR "HEATINESS": Eno, Leng Chee Kang, Chinese Herbal
Tea,
Tonic Water, Barley Drink, Chin Chau.
NATIONAL PASTIME ON WEEKENDS: Queuing up patiently at Magnum 4D
shops. This is very strange. On week days you'll find the same
people jumping queues, elbowing the next guy at the bus stops,
train stations etc. THEORY &
REALITY. The probability of you winning the first prize at a 4D
game is 10000 to 1. Hard to comprehend? Imagine you're at the
Merdeka Stadium and you're standing on the field facing the
grandstand. There are only 10000 spectators and you have lost your
car keys. One of these guys in the crowd have found your keys. I
give you only one chance to pinpoint that guy. No way right?! So
much for the theory. Now for the reality. Malaysians are an
optimistic lot and I believe that the possibility of your lucky
number coming up in a permutation is always almost 10 to 1. That is
why the next morning at the kopi tiam, someone will be screaming
%#*&! Na Phui! Number
Terbalik! My good friend Loo Singh, a regular punter has offered
the following tips: When you're at any KTM (Kuda, Toto, Magnum)
outlets always avoid a queue consisting mainly of Chinese. These
fellas don't like pen and paper. They bark their bets across the
counter causing unnecessary delays.
Avoid the queue where there are many Indians. Indians like to place
RM1 bets. Only problem is they place about 200 RM1 bets at the same
time. The whole of Sentul probably tumpang him. Go for the queue
where there are many
Malays and Indonesians. Usually, they place small bets and only on
one number.
NATIONAL WATCH FOR TYCOONS: Rolex. Usually the model with the gold
bracelet and diamond studded bezel.
NATIONAL WATCH FOR YUPPIES: Tag Hauer. Every yuppie's must have
"show off" accessory. Usually further down the wrist, in the palm
is a tiny Motorola
StarTac cellular phone. The irony is that Motorola spent much time
and effort inventing a phone that can sit comfortably inside the
shirt pocket.
NATIONAL WATCH FOR THE REST OF US: Rolex, Tag Hauer, Raymond Weil
or Patek
Philippe from Petaling Street.
NATIONAL FORMULA ONE DRIVERS: Mini Bus Drivers.
NATIONAL RUBBISH DUMP: Anywhere. As long as it is not your
house.
