On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic
light, and next to him is a kid on his brand new bike. The cop says
to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
The kid says, "Yeah." The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to
put a tail-light on that bike." The cop then proceeds to issue the
kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket. The kid takes the
ticket and before the cop rides off says, "By the way, that's a
nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?" Humoring
the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did." The kid says, "Well,
next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead
of on top."
A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser
with an experienced partner. A call came in telling them to
disperse some people who were loitering. The officers drove to the
street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner. The rookie
rolled down his window and said, "Let's get off the corner people."
A few glances, but no one moved, so he barked again, "Let's get off
that corner... NOW!" Intimidated, the group of people began to
leave, casting puzzled stares in his direction. Proud of his first
official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked,
"Well, how did I do?" Pretty good," chuckled the vet, "especially
since this is a bus stop."
So I went to the store the other day, I was only in there for
about 5 minutes and when I came out there was a copper writing a
parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, 'Come on mate, how
about giving a bloke a break?' He ignored me and continued writing
the ticket. So I called him a pencil-necked Nazi. He glared at me
and started writing another ticket for having bald tires!! So I
called him a horse f*cker. He finished the second ticket and put it
on the car with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!!
This went on for about 20 minutes, the more I abused him, the more
tickets he wrote. I didn't give a shit, my car was parked around
the corner...
The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer - who was
not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket went in to try out for
the job. "Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Gomer, what is 1 and 1?"
"11" he replied. The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I
meant, but he's right." "What two days of the weekstart with the
letter 'T'?" "Today and tomorrow." He was again surprised that
Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of
himself. "Now Gomer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"
Gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard
for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know." "Well, why don't
you go home and work on that one for a while?" So, Gomer wandered
over to the pool hall where his pals were waiting to hear the
results of the interview. Gomer was exultant. "It went great! First
day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect, who
just couldn't control himself during a lineup. Detectives asked
each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money
or I'll shoot." One of them, when it was his turn, shouted, "That's
not what I said!"
One day a State Trooper was pulling off an expressway near
Chicago. When he turned onto the street at the end of the ramp, he
noticed someone at a chicken place getting into his car. The driver
placed the bucket of chicken on top of his car, got in and drove
off with the bucket still on top of his car. So the trooper decides
to pull him over and perform a community service by giving the
driver his chicken. So he pulled him over, walked up to the car,
pulled the bucket off the roof and offered it to the driver. The
driver looks at the trooper and says, "No thanks, I just bought
some."
