NICKNAMES:
If Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle go out for lunch, they will
call each other Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle. But if Mike,
Phil, Rob and Jack go out, they will affectionately refer to each
other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.
EATING OUT:
And when the check comes, Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack will each throw
in a $20 bill, even though the total bill is only for $32.50. None
of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually admit
they want change back. When the girls get their check, out come the
pocket calculators.
BATHROOMS:
A man has five items in his bathroom - a toothbrush, shaving cream,
razor,a bar of Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. The
average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A
man would not be able to identify most of these items.
GROCERIES:
A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes out to the
store and buys these things. A man waits till the only items left
in his fridge are half a lime and a soda. Then he goes grocery
shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the time a man
reaches the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the
Clampett's car on Beverly Hillbillies. Of course, this will not
stop him from going to the 10-items-or-less lane.
ARGUMENTS:
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says
after that is the beginning of a new argument.
SHOES:
When preparing for work, a woman will put on a Mondi wool suit,
then slip on Reebok sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a
plastic bag from Saks. When a woman gets to work, she will put on
her dress shoes. Five minutes later, she will kick them off because
her feet are under the desk. A man will wear the same pair of shoes
all day.
DRESSING UP:
A woman will dress up to: go shopping, water the plants, empty the
garbage, answer the phone, read a book, get the mail. A man will
dress up for: weddings, funerals.
LAUNDRY:
Women do laundry every couple of days. A man will wear every
article of clothing he owns, including his surgical pants that were
hip about twenty years ago, before he will do his laundry. When he
is finally out of clothes, he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside
out, rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes to the
Laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the
Laundromat. This is a myth perpetuated by reruns of old episodes of
"Love, American Style."
OFFSPRING:
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about
dental appointments and soccer games and romances and best friends
and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is
vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
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Daily Jokes
