I don't know has this been posted b4, anyway....
enjoy.. 
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong
life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...
don't waste them on exercise.
Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not
make you live longer;
that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving
it faster.
Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and
vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay
and corn.
And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an
efficient
mechanismof delivering vegetables to your system.. Need grain? Eat
chicken.
Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy
vegetable).
And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily
allowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled
wine,
that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get
even more
of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms
up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to
one.
If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular
exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No
Pain...Good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ..... Foods are fried these days in
vegetable oil.
In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables
be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around
the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets
bigger..
You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger
stomach.
Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans ! Another vegetable!!!
It's the best feel-good food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
