Customer: 'I've been ringing
0800 2100 for two days and can't get
through to enquiries, can you help?'.
Operator: 'Where
did you get that number from, sir?'.
Customer: 'It was
on the door to the Travel Centre'.
Operator: 'Sir,
they are our opening hours'.
Samsung Electronics
Caller: 'Can you
give me the telephone number for Jack?'
Operator: 'I'm
sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking
about'.
Caller: 'On page
1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states
that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket
and
telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for
Jack?'
Operator: 'I think
you mean the telephone point on the wall'.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
RAC Motoring
Services
Caller: 'Does your
European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am
travelling in Australia ?'
Operator: ' Doesn't the product name give you a clue?'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Caller (enquiring
about legal requirements while travelling in France ):
'If I register my car in France , do I have to change the steering
wheel to
the other side of the car?'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Directory
Enquiries
Caller: 'I'd like
the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in
Cardiff please'.
Operator: 'I'm
sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling
correct?'
Caller: 'Well, it
used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but
the 'B' fell off'.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in
Woven.
Operator: 'Woven?
Are you sure?'
Caller: 'Yes.
That's what it says on the label; Woven in
Scotland '.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a
phone box
told a worried operator:
'I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the
number
on'.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Tech Support: 'I
need you to right-click on the Open Desktop'.
Customer:
'OK'.
Tech Support: 'Did
you get a pop-up menu?'.
Customer:
'No'.
Tech Support: 'OK.
Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?'
Customer:
'No'.
Tech Support: 'OK,
sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until
this point?'.
Customer: 'Sure.
You told me to write 'click' and I wrote
'click''.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Tech Support: 'OK.
In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can
you see the 'OK' button displayed?'
Customer: 'Wow.
How can you see my screen from there?'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Caller: 'I deleted
a file from my PC last week and I have just realised
that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I
have my
file back again?'.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------------
There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things
in a long
time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This
is a true
story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from
a
recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say
the Help
Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the
Word
Perfect organization for 'Termination without Cause'.
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.
(Now I
know why they record these conversations!):
Operator: 'Ridge
Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'
Caller: 'Yes,
well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.'
Operator: 'What
sort of trouble??'
Caller: 'Well, I
was just typing along, and all of a sudden
the words went away.'
Operator: 'Went
away?'
Caller: 'They
disappeared.'
Operator: 'Hmm So
what does your screen look like now?'
Caller:
'Nothing.'
Operator:
'Nothing??'
Caller: 'It's
blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'
Operator: 'Are you
still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??'
Caller: 'How do I
tell?'
Operator: 'Can you
see the C: prompt on the screen??'
Caller: 'What's a
sea-prompt?'
Operator: 'Never
mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'
Caller: 'There
isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept
anything I type.'
Operator: 'Does
your monitor have a power indicator??'
Caller: 'What's a
monitor?'
Operator: 'It's
the thing with the screen on it that looks like a
TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's
on??'
Caller: 'I don't
know.'
Operator: 'Well,
then look on the back of the monitor and find
where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'
Caller: 'Yes, I
think so.'
Operator: 'Great.
Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's
plugged into the wall.
Caller: 'Yes, it
is.'
Operator: 'When
you were behind the monitor, did you notice that
there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just
one??'
Caller:
'No.'
Operator: 'Well,
there are. I need you to look back there again
and find the other cable.'
Caller: 'Okay,
here it is.'
Operator: 'Follow
it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely
into the back of your computer.'
Caller: 'I can't
reach.'
Operator: 'Uh huh.
Well, can you see if it is??'
Caller:
'No.'
Operator: 'Even if
you maybe put your knee on something and lean
way over??'
Caller: 'Oh, it's
not because I don't have the right angle -
it's because it's dark.'
Operator:
'Dark??'
Caller: 'Yes - the
office light is off, and the only light I
have is coming in from the window.
' Operator: 'Well,
turn on the office light then.'
Caller: 'I
can't.'
Operator: 'No? Why
not??'
Caller: 'Because
there's a power failure.'
Operator: 'A
power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it
licked now.
Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your
computer
came in??'
Caller: 'Well,
yes, I keep them in the closet.'
Operator: 'Good.
Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it
up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store
you
bought it from.'
Caller: 'Really?
Is it that bad?'
Operator: 'Yes,
I'm afraid it is.'
Caller: 'Well, all
right then, I suppose. What do I tell
them??'
Operator: 'Tell them you're too f --- ing stupid to own a
computer!!!!!'
