Cinderella wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother
won't
let her. As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy
godmother
appears and promises to provide Cinderella with everything she
needs
to go to the ball, but only on two conditions. "First, you must
wear
a diaphragm." Cinderella agrees. "What's the second condition?"
"You
must be home by 2:00 a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will turn
into
a pumpkin." Cinderella agrees to be home by 2:00 a.m. The
appointed
hour comes and goes, and Cinderella doesn't show up. Finally, at
5:00
a.m., Cinderella shows up, looking love struck and "very"
satisfied.
"Where have you been?" demands the fairy godmother. "Your
diaphragm
was supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!" "I met
a
prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything." I know of
no
prince with that kind of power! What was his name?" "I can't
remember,
exactly.. .Peter Peter, something or other...."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Pinocchio had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain
about
splinters when they were having sex. Pinocchio, therefore, went
to
visit Gepetto to see if he could help. Gepetto suggested he try
a
little sandpaper wherever indicated and Pinocchio skipped
away
enlightened. A couple of weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio
bouncing
happily through town and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?"
Pinocchio
replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the woods when
suddenly
the Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and, holding a
machete
to her throat, said, "Red, I'm going to screw your brains out!"
To
that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic
basket
and pulled out a. 44 magnum and pointed it at him and said, "No
you're
not! You're going to eat me, just like it says in the book!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse were in divorce court and the
judge
said to Mickey, "You say here that your wife is crazy."
Mickey
replied, "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she's fucking
Goofy."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Snow White saw Pinocchio walking through the woods so she ran
up behind him, knocked him flat on his back, and then sat on
his
face crying, "Lie to me! Lie to me!"
