1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15
minutes. Wake up, say "oh gee, better get cracking," and scribble
furiously. Turn it in a few minutes early.
2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've
got the secret documents!"
3. If it is a math or science exam, answer in essay form. If it
is long answer or essay exam, answer with numbers and symbols. Be
creative. Use the integral symbol.
4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the
instructor's left nostril.
5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read the questions
aloud and debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to
stop, yell out sarcastically, "I'm so sure you can hear me
thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor
is.
6. Bring cheerleaders.
7. Walk in, get the exam, and sit down. About five minutes into
the exam, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand any of
this. I've been to every lecture this semester! What's the deal?
And who are you? Where's the regular guy?"
8. Bring a video game. Play with the volume at max level.
9. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to
answer every question. For example, write "I refuse to answer this
question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious
beliefs". Be creative.
10. Bring pets.
11. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a
sigh of relief. Go to the instructor and say "They've found me, I
have to leave the country" and run off.
12. Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the
papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out
"Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of
the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every
fifteen minutes.
13. Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.
14. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on
your head, and nothing else.
15. Come down with a bad case of Turet's Syndrome during the
exam. Be as vulgar as possible.
16. Complete the entire exam in another language. If you don't
know one, make one up! For maths or science exams, try using Roman
numerals.
17. Bring things to throw at the instructor when she or he is
not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.
18. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
19. Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to
be taping your next video during the exam. Try to get the
instructor to let them stay. Tell the instructor to expect a
percentage of the profits if they are allowed to stay.
20. Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move
to another seat, and continue with the exam.
21. Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes in. As you walk
out, start commenting on how easy it was.
22. Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and
true/false. If it is a multiple choice exam, spell out interesting
things (DCCAB. BABE. etc..).
23. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and
answers completely blacked out.
24. Get the exam. Twenty minutes into it, throw your papers down
violently, swear loudly and walk out triumphantly.
25. Arrange a protest before the exam starts. You could threaten
the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all
leaving after one hour to go drink.
26. At some point during the exam, start crying for mommy.
27. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor
asks why, tell him or her in a very derogatory tone, "the light
bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to
a clapper."
28. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.
29. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30
minutes, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the
phantom of the opera," until they drag you away.
30. Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you
know the class is very small, and the instructor would recognize
you if you belonged. Claim that you have been to every lecture.
Fight for your right to take the exam.
31. Upon receiving the exam, look it over. While laughing
loudly, say "you don't really expect me to waste my time on this
drivel? 'Days of our Lives' is on!"
32. Bring a water pistol with you. Enough said.
33. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to
'Jeopardy'. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When
they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling
the theme to 'The Bridge on the River Kwai'.
34. Start a brawl in the middle of the exam.
35. If the exam is maths or science related, make up the longest
proofs you could possibly think of. Work PI and imaginary numbers
into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to
your own life story.
36. Come in wearing a full knight's outfit, complete with sword
and shield.
37. Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way
through the exam. Insist this person is needed, because you have
bad circulation.
38. Bring cheat sheets from another class (make sure this is
obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam) and staple them
to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for
references as you see fit."
39. When you walk in, complain about the heat. Strip.
40. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to
any question, ask him or her to work it out for you.
41. Wrestlemania.
42. Bring balloons, blow them up, and start throwing them around
like they do before concerts start.
43. Try to get people in the room to do the Mexican wave.
44. Play frisbee with a friend at the other side of the
room.
45. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next
to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.
46. Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, and telegrams
sent to you every few minutes throughout the exam.
47. During the exam, take apart everything around you. This
includes desks, chairs, and anything you can reach.
48. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards
at a 90 degree angle.
49. Bring a musical instrument with you and play various tunes.
If you are asked to stop, claim "it helps me think." Bring a copy
of the student handbook with you, challenging the instructor to
find the section on musical instruments during finals. Don't forget
to use the phrase "Told you so".
50. Answer the exam with the "Top Ten Reasons Why Professor
(name) Sucks."
