Lawyers should never ask a Southern grandma a question
if they aren't prepared for the answer. In a trial, a Southern
small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a
grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand.
He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know
me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams.
I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been
a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and
you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You
think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you
never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher.
Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he
pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the
defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr.
Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he
has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with
anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire
state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different
women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."
The defense attorney almost died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench
and, in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you idiots asks her
if she knows me, I'll send you to the electric chair.
