The IRS decides to audit Grandpa, and summons him
to the IRS office.
The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa
showed up with his attorney.
The auditor said, 'Well, sir, you have an
extravagant lifestyle and
no full-time employment, Which you explain by
saying that you win
money gambling. I'm not sure the IRS finds that
believable.'
I'm a great gambler, and I can prove it,' says
Grandpa. 'How about a demonstration?'
The auditor thinks for a moment and said, 'Okay.
Go ahead.'
Grandpa says, 'I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I
can bite my own eye.'
The auditor thinks a moment and says, 'It's a bet.'
Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The
auditor's jaw drops.
Grandpa says, 'Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars
that I can bite
my other eye.'
Now the auditor can tell Grandpa isn't blind, so he
takes the bet.
Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good
eye.
The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and
lost three grand, with Grandpa's attorney as a witness. He starts
to get nervous.
'Want to go double or nothing?' Grandpa asks 'I'll bet
you six
thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your
desk, and pee
into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get
a drop
anywhere in between.'
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he
looks carefully
and decides there's no way this old guy could possibly
manage that
stunt, so he agrees again.
Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants,
but although he strains mightily, he can't make the stream reach
the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all
over the auditor's
desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just
turned a major
loss into a huge win.
But Grandpa's own attorney moans and puts his head in
his hands.
'Are you okay?' the auditor asks.
'Not really,' says the attorney. 'This morning, when
Grandpa told me he'd been summoned for an audit, he bet me
twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all
over your desk and that you'd be happy about it!'