Dear
Family and Friends,
Just before the end of the year, I wanted to thank you for
the e-mails you have forwarded to me over the year.
I must send a big thank you to whoever sent me the one about
rat shit in the glue on envelopes, because I now have to use a
wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.
Also, I now have to wipe the top of every can I open for
the same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it all to a
sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital
for the 1,387,258th time.
But that will change once I receive the $15,000 that
Bill Gates/Microsoft are sending me for participating in
their special email programs.
Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants to split
seven million dollars with me for pretending to be a long
lost relative of a customer who died interstate.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214
angels looking out for me.
I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I
forward emails to seven friends and make a wish within five
minutes.
I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet
stains.
I no longer can buy petrol without taking a friend along
to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back
seat when I'm filling up.
I no longer go to shopping centres because someone will drug
me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to
dial a number and then I'll get a phone bill with calls to
Jamaica ,Uganda, Zimbabwe and Uzbekistan .
I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown
African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant
death when it bites my arse.
I can't even pick up the $5.00 I found dropped in the car
park because it probably was placed there by a molester
waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.
If you don't send this email to at least 144,000 people in
the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhoea will sit on
your head at 5:00pm this afternoon and fleas from 12 camels
will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump.
I know this because it actually happened to a friend of my
next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's
cousin's beautician.
By the way......a South American scientist after a lengthy
study has discovered that people with low IQ who don't have
enough sex, always read their emails while holding the
mouse.
Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.
