Dear
employees,
Due to the current economic crisis, Management will implement a new
policy of retiring all workers aged 40 or older. This policy will
be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible
for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination) .
Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the
SCREW Program (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers).
A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times
as Management deems appropriate. Persons who have been RAPED can
only get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or
HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).
Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not Be SHAFTED or
SCREWED any further by Management.
Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much
SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has
always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives employees.
Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring
that to the attention of your Supervisor. They have been trained to
give you all the SHIT you can handle.
Enjoy the Holidays!
Sincerely,
The Management
