Once upon a time a Scotsman, an Englishman and an Irishman were
captured by the Red Indians on a prospecting trip in North America.
They been tied up against their respective totem poles for a day
when the Chief walked up to the Englishman, pinched the skin of his
upper arm and said, "Hmmm, heap good skin, nice and thick. Will
make heap good canoe. You have a last request?"
"That case of gin I had when your boys caught me. I'd like
that", says the Englishman. He's provided with his gin and is taken
off to a teepee for his final night. The Englishman drinks two
bottles of gin.
In the morning the Indians dispatch him, skin him and make him
into a canoe. The canoe lasts a couple of days when it tears on a
rock. Next day the Chief walks up to the Scotsman, pinches the skin
at the top of his arm and says, "Hmmm, heap, heap good skin, very,
very thick. Will make heap, heap good canoe. You have a last
request?
"Ah'll huv ma whisky back", says the Scotsman. He's provided
with his whisky and taken off to a teepee for his final night. The
Scotsman drinks three bottles of whisky. He's already dead when the
Indians come to collect him the next morning. They skin him and
make him into a canoe. The canoe lasts a week before it tears on a
rock. Next day the Chief walks up to the Irishman, pinches the skin
at the top of his arm and says, "Hmmm, heap, heap, heap, heap good
skin, very, very, very, very thick. Will make heap, heap, heap,
heap good canoe. You have a last request?
"I'd loike a fork.", says the Irishman.
The Chief gives him a funny look but gives him the fork. The
Irishman takes the fork, stabs himself repeatedly shouting, "Yer no
makin' any bloody canoe outta me!"
