Repost:
The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a
surrogate father to start their family. On the day the surrogate
father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off.
The man should be here soon" Half an hour later, just by chance a
door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a
sale.
"Good morning, madam. I've come to...." "Oh, no need to explain.
I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in. "Really?" the
photographer asked. "Well, good. I've made a speciality of babies"
"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a
seat"
After a moment, she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on
the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living
room floor is fun too; you can really spread out!"
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry
and me" "Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every
time. But, if we try several different positions and I shoot from
six or seven different angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the
results" "My, that's a lot of....." gasped Mrs. Smith. "Madam, in
my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and
out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure"
"Don't I know it," Mrs. Smith said quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio
of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus in
downtown London" "Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her
handkerchief. "And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when
you consider their mother was so difficult to work with" "She was
difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith. "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to
take her to Hyde Park to get the job done right. People were
crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look"
"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in
amazement. "Yes," the photographer said, "And for more than three
hours too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could
hardly concentrate. Then darkness approached and I began to rush my
shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment,
I just packed it all in." Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean
squirrels actually chewed on your, um......equipment?"
"That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my
tripod so we can get to work."
"Tripod?????"
"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much
too big for me to hold for very long. Madam? Madam? ....... Good
Lord, she's fainted!!"
